tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8090606322762477137.post486070504407373176..comments2023-10-16T08:50:52.912-07:00Comments on Rahab's Kitchen: SighMikehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08283586290804985847noreply@blogger.comBlogger18125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8090606322762477137.post-62673883907015275362011-06-28T18:15:25.360-07:002011-06-28T18:15:25.360-07:00Speaking up can be so hard...I think many of us as...Speaking up can be so hard...I think many of us as Christians were taught not to have our own opinions about things. It's hard to unlearn.Erinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01067954787472463337noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8090606322762477137.post-90351392039621518612011-06-28T15:43:56.815-07:002011-06-28T15:43:56.815-07:00My daughter and I just realized something on a cru...My daughter and I just realized something on a cruize ship two months ago. She had let a massage therapist actually hurt her because she felt that the therapist - with all her training - knew more what she needed than Britt did her own body. (she has fyrbomyalgia) In talking it over we realized that all our years in the church/cult we had deffered so much of our own opinions without speaking up that ANYONE in authoriity or even a friend could "tell" what was better for us than what we knew was good for ourselves. We vowed to never let someone ask us something or tell us something and not speak up about it. It is hard. People - especially sure people - want to direct our lives. <br />Britt went back for a second massage and asked for exactly what she needed step by step. She walked out triumphant and relaxed.<br /><br />Not that is what you were dealing with, it just struck a chord again in me to not be afraid to speak up as I need to.Barbhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04357293290630832549noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8090606322762477137.post-17771014669392383632010-11-10T18:36:09.742-08:002010-11-10T18:36:09.742-08:00Hi Barbara. You know, I completely get that they d...Hi Barbara. You know, I completely get that they don't know any better, and they think that projects are their Christian duty. But then I think, what does it say about the state of Christianity that people can't learn grace for those who disagree with them? <br /><br />I don't know, the entire thing made me feel so dirty. And she asked me out for coffee, but so far she hasn't been able to commit to a date. Figures. I think she really just wanted make herself feel better by asking me...but didn't really care.Erinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01067954787472463337noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8090606322762477137.post-18166896078711874082010-11-10T10:10:11.339-08:002010-11-10T10:10:11.339-08:00Hi Erin! I got a comment from Ruth today which in...Hi Erin! I got a comment from Ruth today which inspired me to get my @ss over here and see what was cooking in the Kitchen. I know this post is a month old but I wanted to comment anyhow.<br /><br />Its good for you to vent your anger. It makes me grateful that the people I went to church with for years didnt' give a sh*t about me and didn't even notice when I left. BUT I do know what you mean because of my 17 years in ministry! I didn't tell people about my faith issues because I KNEW I would become a PROJECT. The few I happened to tell that I no longer went to church freaked out and would not leave me alone but because I was working there at the time they assumed that I was "okay" other than lack of church attendance.<br /><br />I know you know this but I will say it for myself too: They are doing this because its been programmed into their minds that its the right thing to do. Of course that doesn't make it right. I doubt they understand how if feels to be treated like a project rather than a person. <br /><br />I say tell them all to jump in a lake :)Bar L.https://www.blogger.com/profile/11100008292699584336noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8090606322762477137.post-15378286610196085772010-10-26T12:22:24.677-07:002010-10-26T12:22:24.677-07:00It's nice to see you around again, Nate.
I r...It's nice to see you around again, Nate. <br /><br />I realize that people who are still caught in that don't know any better. It's like if I were to travel to some place with a completely different culture than the American one, I might say or do something offensive to a native person, without even knowing it. <br /><br />The only difference, is, I suppose, that if I were corrected, I would be humble enough to not do it again -- I wouldn't insist that whatever I said or did shouldn't be offensive because it's right. <br /><br />But in Christian culture, people are so attached to what they are certain is "the right way", and there is no room for learning.Erinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01067954787472463337noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8090606322762477137.post-50249716409660240142010-10-26T11:22:29.585-07:002010-10-26T11:22:29.585-07:00Just checking in again. Worry I wasn't in the ...Just checking in again. Worry I wasn't in the initial conversation. All of my anger and bitterness is gone now, and of course, it did not happen to me. The way I see it, she still loves you, and is concerned for you. As you would be for her if you saw something in her life that you felt was unhealthy for them. But convincing them of your faith, and that you are in no need of help is much harder. My hope is that you do not hold her good intentions against her.Natehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11286219824281974297noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8090606322762477137.post-4697998224123496912010-10-13T19:27:00.311-07:002010-10-13T19:27:00.311-07:00Erin
I've wondered that too -- why the compu...Erin <br />I've wondered that too -- why the compulsion to "fix". I wonder if it's just that if they don't try to 'fix' that means they might have to see what's really broken. Don't know - just my guess. <br /><br />It is irritating and hard to be gracious back. Barry's post about not being silent anymore rings true to me. We should be able to walk openly about how we feel and not feel bad about it. <br /><br />We're trained to let others express their beliefs and yet not want to be offensive with our own. All we can do is gracious hold our ground I guess.One Voice of Manyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02406711453291558817noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8090606322762477137.post-39502479928644136112010-10-13T11:50:16.520-07:002010-10-13T11:50:16.520-07:00Mike - I think her comment about bringing back goo...Mike - I think her comment about bringing back good memories was more for my benefit...like "remember how much fun we used to have?" so I would be motivated to do it. And like "why WOULDN'T you want to do this?" It's manipulation. <br /><br />I don't know...the whole thing makes me mad because I feel like I have to be defensive or people don't get it. <br /><br />Anyhow, thanks to all of you. It's nice to know I have a place to come unload this kind of thing.Erinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01067954787472463337noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8090606322762477137.post-74600827806424848492010-10-13T11:47:21.561-07:002010-10-13T11:47:21.561-07:00Thanks guys.
You know, it's wasn't so mu...Thanks guys. <br /><br />You know, it's wasn't so much that I didn't know how to be gracious about it, with some effort...it was how awful it made me feel. It's that same mentality...and I wonder, how long do I have to stay away before people leave me alone? What is so hard to understand about "I'm never going back there"? Why do they continue to feel so compelled to "fix" me?<br /><br />Sigh.Erinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01067954787472463337noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8090606322762477137.post-19637864953279548732010-10-13T11:33:02.281-07:002010-10-13T11:33:02.281-07:00Hi Erin. Before coming in here to post to you, I ...Hi Erin. Before coming in here to post to you, I went to your FB page and read the response. I think that her request was fairly innocent overall and your response was very gracious and kind. <br /><br />The one thing in her request that I found disconcerting was <i><b>"bring back some good memories!"</b></i> This makes it pretty clear that she is still stuck in the "what was". <br /><br />One of the things that I have discovered very recently is that I don't want to live in the past, I would rather "start over" (if you will) and make some new memories. Not that I don't have good memories, living in the past leaves no room for growth.Mikehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08283586290804985847noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8090606322762477137.post-89673384448273592822010-10-13T09:46:32.845-07:002010-10-13T09:46:32.845-07:00I try to think that people like that mean well but...I try to think that people like that mean well but it is still very annoying. I'm sorry, Erin. You handled it very well.One Voice of Manyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02406711453291558817noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8090606322762477137.post-76673898532852168412010-10-13T09:33:32.092-07:002010-10-13T09:33:32.092-07:00oh and glad you were able to say no graciously. So...oh and glad you were able to say no graciously. Some people REALLY need to back off, ugrhrrrrrrManuelahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00225303074990493529noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8090606322762477137.post-13589980952816337162010-10-13T09:31:31.971-07:002010-10-13T09:31:31.971-07:00Gosh, how very annoying. I'm sorry Erin... gee...Gosh, how very annoying. I'm sorry Erin... geez!<br />This is one of the reasons I'm not on facebook... <br />best to you and hugsManuelahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00225303074990493529noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8090606322762477137.post-42635384383207355062010-10-12T22:38:10.444-07:002010-10-12T22:38:10.444-07:00Thanks for your support...I needed it. Yes, it mus...Thanks for your support...I needed it. Yes, it must take until just about 40 :) , because God knows I have just recently learned to say "no" without excuses and feel ok about it. Strange as that is.<br /><br />I think, Sue, that if you were to feel inspired to write about your experiences, your audience would be kind about it and you would be an encouragement to some people, I'm sure. But no, not a light topic, and you have to have peace about the idea of writing it before you begin. <br /><br />I will admit I had to look up what an "Akubra hat" was -- non-aussie that I am. :)Erinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01067954787472463337noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8090606322762477137.post-9568115465959164602010-10-12T21:22:54.726-07:002010-10-12T21:22:54.726-07:00Good stuff. I thought you were very gracious in re...Good stuff. I thought you were very gracious in reply :)<br /><br />Why is it so hard to stand up and say "Thanks but no thanks"? It takes until we're, like, 40 to do it well :P<br /><br />I had to tell a bunch of schoolfriends no about something a few months ago. Started having these crazy dreams where I was being molested. I know it sounds crazy, but it was so hard for me to do, to say no, I felt like I was going to get into trouble somehow. Weird.<br /><br />Maybe I should write a post about that. Been thinking about it but not quite sure how to. Rather personal stuff, and writing about being molested by old men in Akubra hats is not really a light topic :)Suehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01122659239039900398noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8090606322762477137.post-80898927129619629232010-10-12T17:33:09.995-07:002010-10-12T17:33:09.995-07:00Ok so I decided I don't have to make excuses a...Ok so I decided I don't have to make excuses and I don't have to apologize. I responded to her post, you can read it if you want.Erinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01067954787472463337noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8090606322762477137.post-32394491100765219092010-10-12T17:27:55.581-07:002010-10-12T17:27:55.581-07:00Hi Sue. Yes, I don't know how to respond becau...Hi Sue. Yes, I don't know how to respond because I feel like it would be rude and possibly hurtful to say "no" in public. Not because I'm afraid to say no, but because she went out on a limb to ask. I just wish she hadn't done it publicly. I'm going to send her a private message. <br /><br />And the 'get over it' thing..I guess I just assume, because both these people know what happened and know how I feel...but somehow they think enough time has passed that it's ok to invite me to church things again. Like I'm in some passing phase, and eventually I'll snap out of it. <br /><br />It's just hard for me. I don't know what to say and I hate how it makes me feel. I hate feeling like people think they have to "fix" me. I'm ok just the way I am.Erinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01067954787472463337noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8090606322762477137.post-27614177907602717782010-10-12T16:17:58.876-07:002010-10-12T16:17:58.876-07:00Oh, YUKKINESS.
That amazes me too, how evangelica...Oh, YUKKINESS.<br /><br />That amazes me too, how evangelicals think that other people's spirituality is their concern. I find it Stepford creepy.<br /><br />Of course, when you believe in a God that's sending everyone to hell, and that their blood may be on your hands ... well, then, that doesn't give much space for people to be gracious, does it? I don't know if that's how your friends see it, but I feel like so much bad Christian behaviour stems from those sorts of beliefs.<br /><br />So can you clarify for me what annoys you about the fact that she posted it on Facebook? Is it that she asked you in public, and to say no you feel like you will be rude if you say no in public? I'm not sure what you mean ...<br /><br />So did they actually tell you in so many words that they "thought you were over it by now"?<br /><br />There is so much arrogance within Christianity. Perhaps they don't even realise it but ewww, it's ugly.Suehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01122659239039900398noreply@blogger.com