Hi all
Was wodnering if you could pray for us. Particularly my 4 year old (Tilly) she has epelespy and at the mo we cant seem to get it under control and if she has 1 fit she will have at least 5 but can have as many as 13.
Also her behaviour is off the planet and I dont know what to do about it. On the weekend she threw her sister nintendo DS out of the sencond story window of out house. Luckily it landed in the rose bush. Any way my hubby delt with her and after much screeming and carrying on she came and said sorry. But not more than 1/2 later she went into our room and threw anything she could find out our window. She painted the bathroom wall with my foundation and the hot water ciylinder with green acrlic paint. Each time she gets a smack and time out and each time there is crying and screeming that goes on for 10-15 mins. And that was just Sunday! In the end I was so angry with her I told her that I wished she lived some where esle which is an awful dreadful thing to say and I feel like a witch for saying it, even if at the time it was partially true
I feel guilty becasue I think that it might be because I work so much. But she has been stubborn since the day she was born
Can you pray for both healing for her and wisdom for Matt and I as we try and figure out how to best teach her and guide her please
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13 comments:
Lou, my heart aches for you...I know how incredibly stressful pre-schoolers can be, but cannot imagine also having to worry about everything else you are carrying also. I don't really know how to pray anymore, and I don't know how to ask God for anything...but tonight, I will ask him for joy for you and your family. Just a great big portion of overwhelming fun and carefree joy. At the moment, my 3 yr old is throwing dvds and screaming, so I'd better keep this short. I do hope that you would be able to experience joy and that you would be able to feel love for your daughter in an intense way tonight.
Lou - I too have told one of my sons that I wished he lived somewhere else. It was an awful time for me, awful. He was (is) as strong willed as the come and I am a passive person and couldn't deal with him. I want you to know that you are not alone in having days like that.
I will pray, too, for God to provide what you need for things to be better for your daughter and your family.
And I will second Kari's prayer for joy!
Papa, help Lou and her family - Peace, Wisdom, Grace. thank you.
man, that's really tough! Will definitely pray- Love to you and your fam
Lou, I will be praying. I wish I had some great words of wisdom to go along with the prayers. I think all mothers (and father?) have said something similar to their child so please don't beat yourself up, she has probably forgot it (even though you never will).
Hugs to you.
PS I love the name Tilly!
Lou, I am praying for you and your husband and Tilly. I'm sure that you will all find what it is you're looking for and need.
As for me...after hearing that, I'm going to run and hide from my son now! ")
Lou, it is tough being a parent and just to let you know that you are doing your best! I will pray for your daughter for healing.
If I may share what I do.. beyond the hidings and time out.. I talk to my son because usually when he acts out, he is trying to get my attention and when he acts out he gets it.. so I try to give him extra attention when he is good, I try to show him that he gets more attention from me when he reflects good behavior and I speak positively to him about himself telling him what an angel he is when he has done good things. I praise him for his good behaivour and I say,"see you are a good boy, I didn't know you were such a little sunshine. I sit down with him and try to get him to voice himself other than throw a tantrum.. children don't know how to express their emotions and it is tough especially with your daughter having epileptic fits, maybe it is because she feels there is no other way to express herself.
I am no real person to give advice but i do know that when I take my son out to lunch and try to talk to him and get him to talk to me.. things seem to calm down.
Four is a tough age, but I will keep you and her in my prayers.
and don't worry, I have said a lot of things to my son which I regret. The thing is that children have an unconditional love and they remember the kisses and the cuddles!
I am so sorry you are going through this. :( I also have a strong willed special needs son. From experience, I know that he does what he does when he gets angry. Angry that he can't control anything in his life, not his body functions, not anything. Has to go to school, has to do this and that. In the same way, your four year old has a lot of anger. She cannot control her own body, she can't control whether she is with mommy or not, or where she has to go everyday. Have you considered perhaps giving her control over something as a starting block? Once she learns control in an area, it will give her something to hold onto. Then it will be easier for you to deal with the impulsiveness that comes with her frustration.
I know it is hard, but she needs that strong will to survive. God told me that about Andy years ago.
I will pray that God will show you what she needs. And that you will have the strength to get through this.
You know, for someone that age, having control may be as simple as giving her a few special plates and cups that she picks out and she gets to choose which ones she uses at each meal time. That can grow into being in control over getting them clean before the next meal (because at some point she will want them two meals in a row and they may not be ready for that), and putting them into the cabinet so that they will be ready for her next time so she can control her own surroundings for a change instead of them controlling her.
i echo TD's words of advice about control. give her a tiny space of control for herself. i don't know what that is, but will pray you get a flash of inspiration.
i also echo everyone else's words here about parental anger and moments of regret. i think we all have them. which is why i wish there was a good speed metal band who sang songs about parenting to provide a loud cathartic outlet for these emotions. :-)
could you provide me a little more background on the epilepsy? my son also has a seizure disorder so i was wondering what type of seizures tilly has and the frequency. just want to know how to pray better, and perhaps offer advice from our own experience. :-)
the other, and final, thing that stuck out to me was your mention of her throwing things out the window and painting with your foundation and green paint. which, to me, has all the makings of a good melancholic, strong willed, rebellious artist to me. (takes one to know one...)
i could be wrong here, but wondering if perhaps she might like some sort of radically creative outlet for her emotions? will pray for another inspirational flash for you if this is the case. i'll share if i get anything else.
much love.
Hi
Firstly thanks for your words and prayers everyone
TD and Jon I will try and give her something to control. Have to think about what
Jon you wanted to know about the seizures;
Tillys seizures vary sometimes they are simply staring and not responding and sometimes they are what as known as tonic chlonic seizures which is where she falls to the ground and shakes and is totally unconcious. She has had to tests to try to discover which part of the brain it is in but they cant seem to find it. I think it is centered in her language centre becasue her speech always disapears and then goes funny for a time after. She also sometimes has a facial droop down the left side during them.
Unfortunatley these random types of siezures can be hard to control
I wonder to if the has impulsivity issues in that she does before she acts- or is it that she is just naughty?
Anyway thanks for the advice and prayer I appreciate it
I don't think she is naughty.. I don't think any child is a bad child, like the terrible two's and tantrums, this is how they start to express emotions.
She is trying to express herself, her brain is different to an adult and they don't know who to deal with how they feel. I have found myself punching pillows sometimes in anger.. and I am an adult..
I think she has a lot of emotion because she is the one going through the seizures and probably feels so angry about it. I think giving her some control would be a good idea. My son wants to break his sony playstation when he can't get something right, I have to constantly teach him how to cope with his emotions.
Naughty to me is if a little boy says f%@k you or sh#t.. or deliberatly disrespects someone or deliberatly hurts people and refuses to listen. Emotional outbursts are normal in children. I think around 9 to 10 years old their brain is able to control it but soon they hit teenage years with new hormones and the emotional outbursts start all over again. They just have to learn ways to control their emotions and feel like they can express themselves. Tantrums are not good and we just have to come up with ways to show them how to show emotions, like drawing a picture or an angry face or something.
It must be hard for her and its hard for you. It is an emotional trainsmash for you all and only through great trial and error you will see improvement. Dont be hard on yourself and know your child is just expressing herself the best way she knows how. I used to poke my eyeballs when I was four... I was probably a lot worse.
Kids are just hard. They are all different. What works for one, will not work for the other. I will just pray that God gives wisdom to help you figure out what to do.
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