Wednesday, December 31, 2008


I wrote a post on my blog earlier today along the lines of what Jon was writing about before he disappeared... (just kidding, I know he's around here somewhere..., coming back soon, right?) Anyway, thought I'd share... None of us out here (in what they call the "wild") should feel all alone in our inevitable pain, I know that much... I know pain makes us feel that way, but does it have to be so alienating? I don't think so. Maybe I'm wrong, but I don't see that in the gospel....

I also have a question...
What about the Lord's supper...?

Monday, December 29, 2008

Please Pray!

Please pray for Barbara and her son Keven tonight. I will leave it up to her to share more than that if she wishes, but I don't think she'll mind me asking on her behalf.

It's very important.

Thank you!

Sunday, December 28, 2008

Happy Birthday

December 29th

Happy Belated Birthday Mike!

We missed your birthday, Mike. I s'pose you get that sort of thing all the time, huh? Missed birthdays? Combined birthday and Christmas presents? :)

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Stuffed up head

Back from Chicago, with a head cold, in more ways than one.
All in all, we had a pretty good time. We did something different-- got away for the holiday to define our own identity as a family more, just the three of us. It was a good step for us. A couple family members did not understand us leaving at this time, but that's the way it goes. We did what we needed to do. We are not overly fond of repetitive traditions that lose their meaning, because the tradition itself becomes more important than what it supposedly celebrates. What IS celebrated, anyway? Is it a facade to appear as though we are indeed close, when in fact we aren't?
I know this isn't true for all, but for many, it is.
It can all be so confusing for me, and I'm sure I'm not alone in this. Can't we just do away with the whole thing? What's the purpose anymore? I know, each person can chose for themselves...? But can they, really? What would you say to someone who is not celebrating Christmas? What would you think? Aren't people free to just not do it. Hardly. We chose to "flee" to Chicago, while we try to figure it out...
So the three of us gladly gave one another a few gifts, played games and sang some songs.
As far as the whole shabang is concerned, i still felt some dreadful guilt, and that is why I hate the whole thing. I felt pressure to participate, well, rather, to make it happen; why do I need to try harder during "Christmas?" It just goes against the gospel. It doesn't have to be that way, I know. The pressure was internal... trying not to feel guilty for saying NO to certain people.... We did something different but there was a cost.

It seems every year Christmas comes sooner and is more dreadful each time. Am I doing something wrong? Am I too fearful to just say I'm not doing it this year? Why is it all so freakin' confusing? I think part of it is because I have swallowed the blue pill, and nothing is as it once was and there is no going back. Deconstructing from foolish religious practices has it's price. Christmas season can be one of those heavily confusing periods... so many memories and expectations around it, not too unlike deconstructing from Churchianity... so that is why my head is all stuffed up. Can anyone else relate? ( I'm not asking for answers to all these questions...)
Pray for me...
thank God it's all over with for now

Friday, December 26, 2008

Missing child

My twins' friend has gone missing. He is 8 years old and has mild disabilities and never met a stranger. He has been gone since this morning and usually shows up at our house BUT DID NOT. He is usually here by 10 am.

Please pray.

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Holiday Reading

I'm on holidays. Woo-hoo. Part of that involves reading great swathes of books. How luxurious can you get? I've been to the library, got some nice novels sitting here. Also in the middle of reading The Agony and the Ecstasy by Irving Stone, a fictionalised account of the life of Michaelangelo, which is kinda interesting. I'm also reading Women Who Run With the Wolves, which I'm pretty enamoured with and have been blathering on about at my blog here if you're interested in joining the conversation.

Anyone else reading anything interesting lately?

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

I Am Second

Through LA Ink of all places, I became aware of this place. "Head" of KORN, was on LA Ink getting a tattoo. LA Ink is one of my daughter's favorite shows. She became interested in Brian "Head" Welch because of his appearance there. He spoke about his life as a guitarist for KORN, how he had become a father and a drug addict. The baby mama died and he had sole custody, and what type of father he was. This lead Lexi to search him out on the web. She found this testimony from Brian. Brian is the scariest looking guy on the screen. But his experiences are very powerful. Please check out other stories there, but make sure to check out Brian's.

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Merry Christmas

I'm currently suffering with 'flu, so my forays into Blogworld may be limited for a while to the times when I'm feeling slightly less crappy.

Anyway, in case I don't post much over the next few days, I'd like to wish you all a happy Chanukah and a merry Christmas.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Please pray for my son

I feel bad showing up here after not really being around much lately, but I am desperate.
I shared a while back that my son was using drugs. I thought he stopped (he did stop for a while). To make a long story short, he's shooting up cocaine. I found out today when his school called to tell me that they had him detained in the office, with a cop, because his teacher thought he looked high. He was coming down from last night.

I knew something was wrong and I think I knew, but was in denial. I asked him daily and he lied to me, I chose to believe the lies even though all signs pointed to drugs.

So, eh's suspended and will most likely be expelled (the principal is recommending that). His life took a sharp turn today and he's not a happy person.

I am weary.

I can't force him to get help.

I don't know what to do.

So here I am, crying out to my Chrisitans brothers and sisters and asking them to cry out to God. I am even going to cry out to Him myself. I realize that its not my lack of faith in God that has kept me away from Him, but my anger. Lots and lots of anger.....and now this.

Do I get mad at God for it or do I turn to him in it? I want so desperately to believe...because if he's real, then he really can intervene and change my son.

Thanks for caring.

Monday, December 15, 2008

Boundaries (and update)

Hey all

Well, my brother has not returned to my house. I am so grateful for that :) Thank you for your prayers. (As a reminder, he has been coming and going and staying with me for the past six weeks, and it's really disorientated me about a million times more than I thought it was. It took a while to realise how disorientating I found it, partially because I wanted to help him and partially because I have, I have further discovered, this strange irrational sense of responsibility for him. This is because of the dynamics of our family - we are playing out the roles our parents taught us to - and because of sexual abuse issues as children).

I am in an uncomfortable period in my life where I am seeing more clearly the necessity for boundaries. Growing more able to say "no", because I know that is my true answer, and to sit with the discomfort that comes afterwards, the silly guilt, the feeling of "I am a bitch because I said no", which unfortunately so many women have to deal with.

It is a difficult thing to learn to become the person you are intended to be, is it not? I think Christianity has inadvertently taught us that denying ourselves means repressing our intuition, especially for women. It has inadvertently taught us that we are not able to hear God for ourselves, nor are we allowed to hear ourselves for ourselves because that is a sin. I am glad to see this dysfunction beginning to be displaced from within the Body.

Saturday, December 13, 2008


I posted this on my blog yesterday, but in case you didn't see it, I thought it might be worth posting here too. I was praying for a few of our situations this morning, and couldn't get this song out of my head. It seems to me, that while one of the things we love most about this kitchen is the understanding and compassion that we find here, there is something even greater than that for which we are truly seeking (and will find as we pray together for each other): the Presence and the intervention of the Lord in our lives. I am so grateful for the privilege of walking with you into His throne room and bringing our requests to Him.

I hope you are as encouraged by this song as I have been, for it truly is a prayer set to music.


Wednesday, December 10, 2008

The holidays /updates

I know the holidays can be a very hard time for many people. Aside from the craze and insane materialism, there is also a lot of pressure and stress on folks having to deal with difficult family situations or family members, etc, and for others it can be a very lonely time.
I know this time is pretty hard for me. I deal with a lot of depression and grief during this time, most every year. Part of it is the mess of what remains of my childhood family, missing my mother... and also feeling like so much of it is a charade. But we try to make the best of it for my daughter, you know, build meaningful times.

So, how is everyone dealing with the holidays...? Are there some special situations we need to lift up in prayer. How can we pray for one another?

Sunday, December 7, 2008

"The only thing worse....

than being a special needs parent is not being one."

That has been my signature line as part of the Walt Disney World Special Needs visitor's forum for a couple of years now on a popular website.

While there I met a family about two years ago with a sick baby named Hayden who had a terminal prognosis. He was not supposed to live to his first birthday, but I was privileged to meet him at Mickey's Very Merry Christmas Party last year and gave him a kiss that I can quite literally still feel on my lips.

He died yesterday morning, and I feel as though my heart is smashed and broken in two. Please remember his parents Kyle and Eva in prayer, as they have lost their only child. We have all known this was coming for so long now, and I thought it would be easier, but I just find myself so steeped in grief.

A New Cabinet

I found room on the outside of the cabinet next to the stove and added one for Study.

Thanks Barry.

I Feel Like a Complete Fraud

For those of you who have not read my blog recently, I am going to put one of my posts here as well because right now I need some big time prayer from you, my friends here in the kitchen.
"Have you ever felt that you had absolutely no business blogging, writing, teaching or for that matter even talking about anything that has to do with God. That’s where I’m at today."

I feel like such a hypocrite...

A shameless plug

This is a shameless plug for the Open Bible Blog. Feel free to take a look - it's basically what it sounds like, an open Bible study. Any opinions and any viewpoints are welcome, as is disagreement and debate as long as it is expressed with respect.

Anyway, I thought perhaps a few people from here might be interested in contributing to the blog. (Some are already on there.) If you want to be added to the list of contributors there (i.e. be able to post in your own right rather than just comment), email me at glan dot islwyn at btinternet dot com and I'll add you.

We're currently looking at Luke's gospel.

Saturday, December 6, 2008


(cross post from my blog)

I just received word today that a friend of mine has breast cancer. I don't believe any of you would know her, she's a real-life friend, but I'm still going to protect her privacy and not reveal any more details right now.

I write because I'm seeking any thoughts and prayers you might be willing to send out for her. I don't have any details at this point, she is still awaiting more information about her condition. She is supposed to be making a decision this weekend on treatment options, so prayers for peace and strength and the ability to make the right decision would be appreciated. Her faith is strong and she feels hopeful, but I know she would appreciate the prayers.

Thank you guys. Love you.

Getting To Know You, Getting To Know All About You

Hello Everyone,
I have not posted here before, but one of the things that has been kind of intimidating is the fact that I don't know all that many of the folks here. So, I am going to go around to all of the blogs on the blog roll, and try to get to know everyone. Many have been sharing many of there stories here. Letting us get to know them. For that, I thank you for allowing us into your world, and trusting your emotionally well being into our care at times.

But in order to create a better understanding between myself and the others here, I am going to try to read the blogs that are on the blogroll. Trying to interact with you there, and get an idea of what each person that comes to the kitchen is like at home. I know myself, that I am very busy and do not post often, but will try to put some of the things that I have posted in the past up for people to read so that you can get to know me.

So this is an invitation of sorts to my house. There are cookies and milk placed out for nibblers. Just like I am waiting for Santa.
See you there,

Thursday, December 4, 2008

change/ sorry

I added something to what I posted yesterday a few posts down....

This is so hard to write

I can't do it on my own blog because too many people I know read it and I'm not really ready to talk there yet.

My Mum just called. She's been diagnosed with Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia. It seems it's in the early stages but she won't know for sure until she sees a specialist just after Christmas.

I've never been all that close to her, although I lived with her my entire childhood (my parents divorced when I was 9 and I stayed with her), but I don't know. This makes things seem different.

I'm crying but I don't really know why. I'm so sad for her, but I'm not so sure how to talk to her or what to say.

Sorry this is completely disjointed and probably doesn't make a lot of sense. I'm typing through tears. I just needed to say something to somebody.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Hey all

I posted a long post on my blog, bearing out half my soul (and story) and wanted to invite you to come read and leave your feeback, if and when you can...
my story
Thanx and love

Also, for those who haven't already gone and commented, please comment here instead.
This is a safer place for me right now. I shared what I was ready to there at this point. I had to delete a couple comments there for privacy reasons I can't get into right now (but I kept them all in my e-mail box). I REALLY appreciated every comment and was in no way offended by anything you wrote. In fact, I was really encouraged, and thankful to share and get your feeback! I should have just asked for you to comment here in the first place... sorry

Thanks again

Monday, December 1, 2008

Zaavan's Needs

Hi All
My hubby and I no longer tithe(infact we have decided that it is unbiblical)
but still believe in intentional giving to people with real needs and real faces (as oposed to the pasotrs new car or a bright and shiney new building for the church).
I really feel that God is saying that Zaavan's needs are just that

So I am going to give Jon an "offering" I am going to sow into my prayer that God will fix this utterley unacceptable situtaion.I know that the small amount I can give will not really change his situation in the physical but I beleive that soemtimes God ask us to be a part of the solution.

I am not posting about this so that I can recieve any pats on the back but instead to invite anyone who want to join me. No pressure intended, you dont need to answer this post I dont need to know it is between you and God and what he ask you to do. I only konow he asked me to give nothing more
So Jon I need a way to wire you some cash so be intouch

Happy Birthday

December 1st

immediate intercession requested

so we just found out that the county, for some unknown reason, has closed out our son, zaavan's, medical assistance. this is a HUGE deal as it was this assistance that paid for all of his anti-seizure medication as well as his food. he is tube fed and doesn't eat by mouth, but he is also on a specialized diet (the ketogenic diet) that requires specialized food for him. as of right now, he is no longer able to get ANY of these things. we only have about a week's supply of both food and meds left. please, please, please pray for us that this would get straightened out and SOON! thanks gang...