this is zaavan.

as promised, here is zaavan, my son. he's 6 years old and has severe CP and MR. in laymen's terms, that's Cerebral Palsy and Mental Retardation. his other diagnoses are quadraparesis and microcephaly.

effectively, he cannot eat, drink, change, move, toilet... anything on his own. he requires hours of care. but that's not any different from any other kid. the attention and cares needed are just different. but, as you can imagine, it is well worth it. he is one of the best people i've ever met. i am constantly amazed that a boy with so many challenges can be the most joyful person i've ever known. he is one blissed out kid. in fact several are the nights when he wakes up laughing. and laughing and laughing and laughing. at nothing. at least, nothing that we can tell. but i have often suspected that he is able to sense things we can't.

being his dad has been nothing short of life changing. i am no longer the person i was when he was born. i have learned so much about how to communicate with people through learning how to communicate with someone who is not able to communicate through conventional means. (i.e. words) i blogged about that once before already.

every parent is different, but i know that coming to terms with zaavan was actually a quick process for me. we first got the news hours after his birth in the middle of the night. a massive seizure sent him into respitory arrest and he had to be intebated and moved into the NICU. it was thus the roller coaster began and i knew that something had to die. and what had to die were my expectations that i had for zaavan and who i hoped and dreamed he might be. he was as he is and there was no going back. nothing could change it. so i could either continue to grieve for something that never existed or i could simply accept zaavan as he is, no strings attached. i chose the latter and am glad i did. i have, of course, been overwhelmed several times at the challenges he faces, and the times when i have had to prepare myself for the possibility of his death when it has gotten bad. each time, however, he has pulled through. over and over again, grace seems to be the theme in this kid's life and i am glad to be privy.

and i am especially grateful for the near-deafening roar that went up into the spiritual ether on his behalf when i shared our challenges on december 1st. it certainly is a neverending stream of challenges. but it is also a never ending stream of overcoming those challenges, or learning how to be grateful for what we have been given. which is pretty cool.

this is zaavan. he is my perfect son, and i love him.

Getting To Know You, Getting To Know All About You

Hello Everyone,
I have not posted here before, but one of the things that has been kind of intimidating is the fact that I don't know all that many of the folks here. So, I am going to go around to all of the blogs on the blog roll, and try to get to know everyone. Many have been sharing many of there stories here. Letting us get to know them. For that, I thank you for allowing us into your world, and trusting your emotionally well being into our care at times.

But in order to create a better understanding between myself and the others here, I am going to try to read the blogs that are on the blogroll. Trying to interact with you there, and get an idea of what each person that comes to the kitchen is like at home. I know myself, that I am very busy and do not post often, but will try to put some of the things that I have posted in the past up for people to read so that you can get to know me.

So this is an invitation of sorts to my house. There are cookies and milk placed out for nibblers. Just like I am waiting for Santa.
See you there,
Nate

Bio

Hey, all. I've been hanging around a bit, lurking, watching. Thought I'd add my name to the roll, so you could at least know who to blame if I step out of line. :) I've brought along the espresso machine and am serving up shots to anyone who wants them. I hand out coffee--lots and lots of coffee. My life has more or less been fueled by an obscene amount of coffee for the last fifteen years. Anyone want a latte?

Anyway, my name's Sara, and I'm a SAHM with 2 preschoolers and a grade schooler. My husband pastors a small Presbyterian church in the Midwest. I wrangle kids, and write, and try to get a bit of exercise . . . and think and pray and write and dream about how to work from right in the middle of the System to make the church-thing more what Jesus would want it to be.

I'm probably not likely to post very often, but know that I'm reading and thinking and praying and love being a part of the conversation.

More Brief Bio's...

For those of you who haven't shared yours yet and would like to!
Also, what is everyone's first name (those with google addresses that aren't their name)... if you are comfortable sharing
Erin or Mike, could we have a label on the Kitchen cabinets just for "Brief Bio's" so anyone who hasn't can add theirs if they want?
The original brief Bio's are here

Barbara

Hey I am Barbara and I am older than dirt compared to all of you! I am closer to 50 than 40 and that's all I'm saying about that.

I am a single mom (never married) to an almost 17 year old man-child. He's the love of my life and the cause of my deepest concerns.

I was raised in a Catholic church but left at age 13 to "seek spiritual truth" and spent years in the New Age movement and learning about Eastern Religions. I did NOT want to be a Christian because the ones i knew were so mean. But, at age 29 I was scared enough by the threat of hell being real that I accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior and joined the ultimate in conservative fundie churches. Not only that but I started working for the biggest International Ministry around and have been here since my son was in diapers.

I was hurt by several things that happened to me in various churches over the years (including being ostracized for getting pregnant out of "wedlock" what a great word for marriage, eh?) BUT in spite of being hurt I never blamed the church, only myself for being such a lowlife worm. I felt I deserved all the harsh treatment I got because I sinned.

Then a few years ago I fell in love with a man who was not a Christian and actually gave up the relationship. That was the beginning of the end. I realized that I had given so much of my life for something that I brought me mostly shame, guilt and sadness.

Sure, I had good moments too. But when I was honest with myself I had to admit that I was faking the Christian life. It was something I DID because I was expected to, not because it was who I was. So I quit going to church (no one missed me even though I'd been at that one for 8 years) and stopped reading the Bible and started over from scratch.

Now I go back and forth on a daily basis of what I believe and what I don't. I love most of my Christian friends (online) and wish I had their faith, I miss it. But in honesty, none of it makes sense to me. I still pray but I'm not sure why. I still believe - sort of. I am really just a mess :) but am coming to terms that "not knowing what I believe" is okay for now.

I thank you for allowing me to be part of your site here.

Visit Barbara at Prodigal Daughter

Sue

I'm Sue. I'm 37, separated, living in Melbourne, Australia. I've been out of the IC type thang for about 8 years now (wow). Loving this unfolding life in God where I have less control and more security than I ever really thought possible. I am rebuilding my life in drastically simplified fashion after being sick for over 6 years and being separated from my husband for the past 2. Life has been a bitch, and HARD, and shitty, and I have spent great swathes wanting to be dead when I'm not totally joying that I am alive. Things have settled down somewhat now and I'm not quite so suicidal anymore. I have begun immersing myself in paint and clay and pencils, which is kind of a scary thing after not allowing myself to do it for 25 years :) I also love writing poetry and blogging. I love my dog, music, philosophizing, meditating on the mystical, pondering the imponderables.

Visit Sue at Discombobula

Heather

I'm Heather from Melbourne, Australia.

I am part of a church still, but it's more of a community than a strict churchy thing. We meet mostly in homes. Together with my husband Alex and my two girls Ashley (10) and Stephanie (7) I left my CLB about 2 1/2 years ago. Since then I have been learning, growing and getting closer to God than I ever had been in the 15+ years I had in various pentecostal churches.

I love music - almost anything that's slightly funky and different, and almost nothing that's played on the mainstream radio stations. It has to be a little different and quirky. Current favourites are Mojo Juju and the Snake Oil Merchants, Jackson Jackson and The Cat Empire. I just found a new one on Saturday when I heard her play live - Rosie Burgess. Just ordered her CD.

Other than that I do the mothering thing, the wifey thing, the working thing (PA to the director of a nursing home) and the friend thing and the blogging thing - all with some degree of success but I could probably do better on all fronts.

I'm mostly behaved, occasionally naughty (Erin is SUCH a bad influence!) and I love being part of the blogging community, even if I don't get as much time to comment (or post!) as I'd like to.

Do I win the prize for the wordiest comment? No, that's probably jON. No surprises there!

Heather blogs at A Deconstructed Christian

Michelle

Hi - I'm Michelle, 35 yrs old. I will have been married 16 years in a week or two and lately have come to wonder if we'll actually make it to the date. Life has been quite painful and hard lately. We left I.C. April 2006 and have only gone back to a much different and more liberal kind of group in June of this year. I said I'd never go anywhere again and I also said I'd never play music again - born and bred musician here -- but I've recently eaten those words. That part at least has been good and refreshing.

I work from home -- after quitting said job back in March they agreed to let me work remotely. I home school my three young children, 8 yr old, 6 yr old and 4 yr old. I cook, I clean, I worry, I fret, I have anxiety/panic attacks, I feel insecure most of the time -- including once I post this I'll think that I probably shouldn't have.

I'm tired and exhausted and flat worn out. I want to be ok with myself and in my head. I am no longer upset with God and church which my blog and you friends have been a huge part of that process - for that I'm thankful. Yet I still haven't reconciled many things that probably need to be regarding matters of faith. I mostly just get de-railed these days on daily living and the most recent shit-storm personally/emotionally that has blown up in my life. People that know me say that at least I'm honest. That probably means I overwhelm them with not saying "fine" when I am asked how I am doing. But, at least I got that going for me.

Pay a visit to Michelle at Diary of a Doubting Believer

Kari

Hi, I'm Kari...I'm 29, but almost 30. I've been married for 6 yrs to Luke, mom to 2 yr old Mayah and 11 mo old Sam who was born without a thyroid, but is doing great. I have moved 3 times in the last 5 yrs...because of my husband's job. I am a Texan, but have lived in Minneapolis, Falls City NE, and now Cincinnati.

I'm a pessimist...and a romantic...
I'm shy and insecure...

My mom was killed in a car accident when I was 11, and at the time I was experiencing God more than I ever have in my life, so when she died I blamed him for her death and am still angry at him for it. I've asked him to change my heart, but it's still the same.

I've been in and out of church...not any particular denomination, and though it's hard for me to trust, I still feel like I'm learning a little about what's really on God's heart...like those parents I've met here who have given their lives for their disabled children in a way that makes me ball my eyes out...and other things that have nothing to do with the IC.

I really like to play cards and drink wine and I really enjoy being outside even if it's cold...I love coffee and chocolate and big big dogs and my days seem to go much much better when I have any kind of music playing in the background.

I used to really really love to read Tom Robbins and Henry Miller and analyze and philosophize...but I don't smoke pot anymore, and now I only have the time and energy for light fluff, but I do love to read.

Pay Kari a visit at Karilynnbryant's Weblog

Susan

I'm Susan. I'm older than anyone else that's here - that's a worry! I have been married for a very long time and have three adult children, two married one engaged. No grandchildren as yet. I live in Victoria Australia but I was actually born in the UK, came to Oz when I was 6. I came to faith at 14 from a non-churched background and have attended a IC ever since, even though I have been disillusioned many times yet God has kept me there. I love books and writing. I have written a book and I'm currently rewritting it (again!) in the hope of getting it published.

Susan blogs at A Booklook and at The Bible Study Place

jON

jON, here. i'm 33. husband of 12 years to wife, erin 31. (who is not THE erin around here, so the wife stops by, she's mrs. peres.) two children: son: zaavan 6 and daughter: rowyn 18 months. zaavan has extreme cerebral palsey/MR and takes a lot of care, but it's well worth it. rowyn is quick to do things i tell her not to, so some days i wonder who it is with the disability. :-)

i've been out of the IC for about 2.33 years now. my leaving was quite an ordeal which i still don't fully understand, but i am much better and happier for the leaving. even though it's painful to obey god, i grow through the pain and he gives me what i need to get by. i love this global blogosphere community i am a part of. strengthening old bonds and connecting new ones all the time.

i think watching movies about existential philosophy is fun. (waking life, i heart huckabees) LOVE playing games and having friends over for game night. (i consider it church for me, but i don't always tell them that!) i feel at home among metalheads, potheads, hippies, atheists, and goths. i'm vulgar and crude. i am also a naughty potty mouth. i think the word FUCK is the greatest word in the english language. and here's why. i also have a penchant for reading fantasy/sci-fi.

and instead of blood coarsing in my veins, it is actually concentrated musical groove. i have no end of interest in music with heart. oooh! and i'm long-winded. hard to get less than 1000 words out of me.

nice to meet you all. it is so good to "see" this place with my own eyes. it is the space i have been dreaming of for 3 years.

much love.

Make sure to pay jON a visit at Something Else

Manuela

I turned 35 last month ( was a biggie for me). I was born and raised in Buenos Aires Argentina till I was 12. Raised Catholic... but had no clue who God was. Thought he was a tyrant... Lost my mom when I was 14, and then abandoned by dad shortly after (among other messes). Met wonderful Jesus for the first time at age 19 while reading the book of Matthew out of desperation and curiosity. Hadn't picked up a bible before then...

I'm wife to Mike and momma to Maggie, Leo and Bonnie ( my two cats). Leo will actually be hanging out here at Rahab's to provide unconditional love to any who need it. I will post his picture. He's a very anointed kitty, in the true sense of the word, and thrives on giving love. Bonnie is more elusive but always a sweet baby. I would have her come to Rahab's too but you'd never see her : )
Lets see... I love music (who doesn't) and making music, watching films, reading and writing, chilling outside... I just got a bike not too long ago that I really wanna ride...( it needs some repairs)

What else... Maggie, who's almost 4, is the apple of my eye....I love lots of stuff, but my deepest longing is to taste and experience the true God in community, somehow...

Manuela blogs at Graced All Over

Katherine Gunn

Well, I am Katherine (but not really). I have been blogging under a pseudonym. First, so that my family cannot be identified and hurt by the things I journal about. Second, so that my ex-pastor doesn't get wind and decide to sue me for the things I journal about. Any of the above who read my blog would know who I am. It would be obvious. But, as long as I keep names (including my own) out of it, there is no legal issue for me.

So that said, I love in Colorado. I am 45. Never married. Never dated. Yikes! Scary stuff - lots of issues from childhood abuse. Grew up in church. Walked away when I was 16. stayed away for 20 years. Got involved with a church that is seriously messed up. Walked away from IC 19 1/2 months ago. Have learned a lot about what is Truth and what is dogma. Asked Papa for freedom. He is giving it.

I like a broad range of music. I'm a musician/writer currently working for AT&T. 10 1/2 hours today. Sigh. But at least it's not boring. Not what I want to do for the rest of my life, though. I enjoy reading - sci-fi, fantasy, mystery... I enjoy watching movies.

I have been known to have a potty mouth, too. Tyler has reprimanded me, too. ;-)


Visit Katherine at A Voice in the Desert

Che

Hi, I'm Ché.

I am 39 years, mother (& father) of my 3 children, divorced for almost 6 years now. I am a Starbucks Barista....at least for now. I love anything to do with design..and actually consider it huge fun to renovate. I left the IC about 4.5 years ago, and homechurch 3 months ago. I've come to the realization that I love God, love lotsa people...and hate almost anything to do with christianity.

I love to read...mostly sci-fi/fantasy with some mysteries thrown in for good measure.
I struggle with having enough energy to make it through each day...and wonder a lot if my future is anything to look forward to.

I want to sound upbeat..but too tired to do that, so.....


Che can be found blogging at Chronicles of Che

Erin

I'm Erin. I'm 37 and live in Portland, Oregon with my husband of 17 years and my two boys, 12 and 8...as well as two cats and a dog.

I have been out of the IC almost 4 years, my family has been out 3.5 years. My faith is stronger and healthier than ever, and my beliefs have changed dramatically in that time.

Umm...I love movies, especially anything off the mainstream, Sundance or Cannes winners for instance. I love music, mostly rock from 60's to present-day. I love chocolate in any form as long as it's not TOO dark. I'm a type II diabetic (along with my dad and my sister...anyone who tells you it's NOT hereditary is lying) which is a daily challenge and keeps me on my toes. Mostly I'm a lover not a fighter and my family and friends are the world to me...even my online friends.

Oh and according to Tyler I'm a potty mouth. ;-)


Visit Erin at Decompressing Faith

Tyler Dawn

My name is Tyler, but I go by Tyler Dawn because when I started doing to forum thing people would assume I was a guy. I am 39 years old, married to Mark and we have twin 7 1/2 year old sons, Matt and Andy, who we adopted at birth. Andy is special needs, with spina bifida, hydrocephalus, chiari malformation, and clubbed feet. Right now we have started bowel training, AGAIN! Trying to get him out of diapers.

We have been out of the IC for over four years now, and out of home church for 3 1/2 years.


Visit Tyler at Following Him Alone

Nicole

My name is Nicole, I am 24 and live in Colorado. I have a husband, Jonathan, and two dogs, Mocha and Brewster. No children. We live in a small little studio apartment that I love and learning how to live more simply. I love simple things in life, coffee, autumn colors, music, and art. I love people; family, friends and acquaintances. I love my Father and his plan for my life, even though it is unraveling each day I live and I never seem to know where I am headed. I love to experience new things in my journey and thrive on understanding and knowing Father more. I don't attend an IC and have grown more in my relationship with God outside the walls then when I was in! Each day brings new experiences and spontaneity just living day to day with Father.

That's as brief as I can make it!

Thanks for reading! :)

In Freedom, Nicole!


Nicole is blogging at A Journey Worth Taking

Mike

I work mostly nights and I spend probably way too much time in the blogosphere searching and seeking the opinions and beliefs of others. You know what? That’s part of my journey too! I belong to a traditional church but I do not think traditionally. I am a missional thinker and it’s part of my call to try and shake up the status quo by thinking outside of the box. That box I speak of is the one with four walls that we call "the church". I am a “middle aged” guy who finds that he is getting more liberal as he grows older. I think that it’s supposed to work the other way around but hell, I’ve never been a conformist anyway. I have found that acceptance is a whole bunch less stressful on me.

I like to write articles and read books. I love teaching Sunday School Classes. I do most of my own home improvement projects and I love tinkering around the garage. I love doing Bible study and then trying to figure out what unique way that the scriptures might be speaking to me. I have been known to re-write them (language only) into what has been lovingly referred to as a Mikeism. I love to Blog. As I said above, it’s just possible that my addiction level has reached the 80 percentile. (UPDATE: As of January 8, 2008, it's at 81 percent).

Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated.

When I blog I am attempting to vocalize (per se) my journey in this life, my journey with Christ and the many different locations and places, both literal and figurative, that journey takes me. I want to share the many different ways, albeit twisted, in which I find meaning and expression in the scriptures. After all these years, I am still a seeker. When I look at my journey from that respect, I’m cool with that.

....and as for being a night owl

"Harvard researchers working at Brigham and Women's Hospital have found that whether someone is a morning person or an evening person depends on a basic aspect of the circadian timing system that is known as instrinsic period." Click here for the entire article

"Most people believe that night owl behavior is the result of a personality trait. You must be lazy or irresponsible or undisciplined. This is a misconception. Night owls may, in fact, demonstrate the traits noted but these are not the reasons for their night owl schedule preference. Night owls are night owls because they are born that way. They are behaving the way that their bodies were programmed to behave." Click here for the entire article.

So there you have it. You can say that I have nyctophilia or Delayed Sleep Phase Syndrome or anything else you want. The proof is in the pudding though. I'm a Night Owl and God made me that way. So lay down, nestle your head in your comfortable down pillow and saw logs in peace. For I am here at my laptop, vigilantly standing guard over cyberspace; free to roam the mounds of bandwidth that are freed up while the early birds sleep. It is a duty that I do not take lightly and one that I won't fail.

Besides...infomercials suck big time!!

Mike can be found blogging at Simply A Night Owl