Please pray for me.
You have no idea how hard it is for me to say those four words. It seems selfish or self-centered, but that's a LIE. I know that when I pray for others, it makes a difference to them and to me. When we are hopeless or helpless all we can do is pray.
I am starting to believe in prayer again. I am afraid not to. It seems like my life just keeps getting more and more dark, sad, serious, heartbreaking things added to it. I can't take much more. I know this is probably wrong thinking but a few months ago I was begging God to let me know if he was real, and I had this HUGE fear come over me like he was going to bring a bunch of horrible things in my life so I would have no where to go but to him. I really thought it would be cancer for me. But its not (yet anyhow)....
...its my son using serious drugs and having other problems
...its losting a friend to suicide and finding out I was is ONLY friend
...its feeling misunderstood and chastised by my co-workers because I am not the kind of Christian they are
So...please pray. Not much you can pray for involving my dead friend, but please pray for my son....I don't know what to do next....I am begging God that his drug test comes out clean tomorrow. If not...I will be faced with some serious decisions.
Thank you so much,
Barbara
Prodigal Daughter Blog
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
15 comments:
Of course I am praying for you Barbara.
You know it babe. I am praying like hell. Is that sacrilegious to say?
I pray you the wisdom to make the best decisions and know the right way to handle these things as they come.
Barbara, forgive me if I am blunt in my reply (you know how direct us Australians are, heh ;) I have been praying for you since you asked last. I can understand the sentiments about feeling like prayer for you is selfish but I really strongly want to say that it is TOTALLY NOT SELFISH to pray for yourself and to ask for prayer. It's not, it's not, it's not!! :) I would say it's imperative, especially with such a complete, totally full plate as you have (goodness, reading your blog, it's all going on for you at the moment, isn't it?
If God exists, and he's the vine and we're the branches, and yada yada yada, then surely praying for ourselves is something akin to breathing?? A good, healthy thing the way exercise is? At least, that is what I have discovered. And it would feel good and comforting to do so. And there would be nothing wrong with that at all.
Anyway, I was wondering - and please don't feel compelled at all to answer this question unless you want to, because it is quite personal - but those thoughts you have, those huge fears that asking God to reveal himself would result in him bringing a bunch of horrible things in your life to get your attention - where do you think those fears are coming from? I think our shame can speak to us in those ways, I know mine has in the past, and we mould God as being this horror-head that nobody would want anything to do with.
But what I sense is that he is saying "Barbara" the way Jesus said "Mary" to Mary. And I don't know - maybe he is saying those things to you but you are dismissing them as just your own fancy or whatever because that's not what God is really like, right? But he is, he is, he is!!!
So that is what I am praying for you.
And I'm praying for your dead friend also, because I think it's definitely a worthwhile endeavour. But I'm a heretic when it comes to that sort of thing :) (and I'm not even Catholic, either, haha)
Anyway, I hope this doesn't come across as preaching or whatever (blah!!), and please don't feel like you have to respond to any of it if you don't choose to :)
Goodnes, I just wrote a blog post! :)
Thinking of you and praying for you. Just a bit of encouragement.. Prayer can help big time.. I was big into drugs. I snorted coke, smoked dope, drank like a fish, you name it, I did it.. And through God's mercy and someone's loving prayers I got out of that and will never go back.
So keep holding on, keep believing because God wants your son well more than you do!!! He Loves your son!
Just keep holding on and perservere!
{{HUG}}
Hugs from me too.
I've probably made this comment before, but one of the things that I often pray for, for myself, and for others, is the strength to get through the trials we must face, and the wisdom to make good decisions. These are the things I would like to ask God to bless you with.
Barbara, like Getting There has said, I also was into drugs, and it WAS the prayer of one person in particular that I believe pulled me out of it all...and I don't know how in the world God works. I believe that your friend is in heaven. I had a friend commit suicide last year...and I had not talked to her in a long time...when I heard what had happened, I felt so guilty, because she had tried to reach out to me and there were times when I just could not meet her, and then there were times that I just didn't. I also found out later that she was dealing with a lot more than I knew about, and I truly believe it was God's mercy in taking her home...she was so close to him in the most beautiful, raw way...and very misunderstood, but she was his, and I know she's in heaven. I believe your friend is also...I wish for you grace.
Thanks all of you! I have been sleeping ALL DAY and just got here to read these. Thanks very much.
Sue, I need to process your commment and come back to respond. I am in a weird fog from sleeping all day. In fact am I dreaming or really leaving a commnet here ;)
I will pray t for you and just wanted to add that God loves you very much and knows how you feel right now. He wants to here from you and loves it when you share with him and ask him to do things for you.
I will pray for your son, my kids are little so I havent gone through anything like that yet so can only imagine how hard it is for you
If you could, put the chastisement from your coworkers out of your mind ... it is not their place to chastise you. It is God's alone.
Stay close to those who are compassionate and loving toward you.
Who will listen more than talk.
This is your Life and it is only you and the Lord who will overcome this with LOVE.
The most compassionate and non judgmental people will be those who understand the battle you are embroiled in. Let's ask for these people to come alongside you.
Your most important shield is to remember that you are loved and that your son is loved and Love will bring you both through.
I have lost two friends to suicide and a grown child of mine attempted suicide.
It leaves us wondering whether we failed them in some way.
But this is life, here anyway ...
a time of peace and a time of war
a time of sorrow and a time of joy.
But through it all, there is Love.
Who never leaves you or forsakes you.
Praying for you ...
Thanks again everyone...I feel like a bit of the fog I've been in the last few days is lifting...plus I have three days off work! YEAH BABY!
Hi sweetie, I am so sorry I wasn't here for you. I will be praying, of course. I will be praying for all of you.
Sometimes we can hold up our own arms, and sometimes, like Moses, we need others to hold them up while the battle rages on around us. It takes profound humility to ask that someone do that, and i think that is a fine thing.
it's good to hear that the fog is lifting.
i know it's a painful subject, but in your post you mentioned a "drug test tomorrow" for you son. i know it is past that time, so i wonder where things are at now so we can continue praying.
as someone who has loved someone with serious chemical dependency issues, all i can say is... keep on loving. i wish i had answers, but i really don't. it's an issue i've never gotten figured out as far as some sort of way to "fix it." short of something major like an intervention, which doesn't necessarily "fix it", it just draws severe boundaries. my heart aches and breaks for you. i will continue to pray.
as far as the work issue goes, gosh, there are several ways you could go with this. first is the calm reasoning. letting them know how they make you feel and sharing with them that it does not at all feel like love, but rather like condemnation and you would prefer if it would stop.
secondly, if they truly are making derogatory comments towards you or treating you differently or ostracizing you because of your religious differences, THIS IS WORKPLACE HARRASSMENT AND IT NEEDS TO STOP IMMEDIATELY. for NO OTHER REASON than that it makes you uncomfortable and impedes your work performance.
i am not entirely clear, i guess, on whether or not high profile "ministries" are exempt from these federal laws, but i don't think so. if a waitress at hooters can have a viable claim for sexual harrassment, then i believe you have one too. i know that you've probably just come to terms with the abuse, but you don't have to. as your employer it is their responsibility to make sure you have an abuse-free workplace. to the best of my knowledge, IT'S THE LAW, and you know just how important it is for conservative evangelical christians to follow the law of the land to the letter. perhaps you can just give them a gentle nudge in the right direction to let them know they've lost their way?
Barbara, that's fine, no hurry. You don't need to respond to it at all if you don't feel like you want to :)
Post a Comment