Hey all,
I ask prayer for me, please. I feel so bitter, twisted and cynical these days, mainly about men.
Well, not about men as such. I like men. But about my ability to be able to be in romantic relationships with them. I guess it's something that tends to happen after a marriage breakup where you were the one who couldn't breathe while your husband was happy. I have worked through a lot of guilt about that, but maybe there is some to go, I'm not sure.
I don't feel happy writing about this on my blog for reasons I won't go into, but sometimes I feel like I could head down the cynical and twisted road and never come back. I dunno, maybe it's just the mood I'm in lately. I have been feeling unwell all week and I am so fed up with feeling unwell, cannot bear it at all, and I know it affects my mood, makes me surly. But I know that only God can fix this in me, it's not something I can heal myself. And sometimes I wonder if he will or if there is some other intent in him for me. I'm not sure.
But prayers would be gratefully appreciated. Thanks guys n girls.
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PS: What I meant above was that I know only God can fix the cynical and bitter and twisted bit, not the surly-in-illness bit :)
"Papa, you are the only one who can DESTROY the yokes which the evil one places on us. I ask you to do one of your yoke destroying miracles right now. I also ask you to hold back the evil one when he tries to replce the destroyed yoke with an fresh one. You are only one who can do this. Thank you Papa for being so faithful."
Papa has released you Sue! :)
Let's ask for both and believe for both and it is ok to feel that way about many men.
It seems that they get married to add you to their collection or to have someone take care of them .... instead of marrying for companionship in the highest form.
From one other cynic ... I understand completely the stifling you have experienced.
There are good guys out there ... my own son is one of them.
Not meaning to male bash here at all ... I'm sure the men present know what I am talking about and maybe they have some good words for you ;-)
oh, yeah... will be praying (you know I can really relate some ) Thanks for letting us know
Sue,
I'll keep you in my prayers, my friend. May Papa heal you from within, and touch your heart in a way that brings love and forgiveness to men. May you abide in the comfort of knowing you are fully Loved by Him, no matter what you are feeling or experiencing.
Blessings,
~Amy :)
http://amyiswalkinginthespirit.blogspot.com
Hey Susie-Q...yeah, I'll pray. Also here's hoping the changing of the seasons will give you some new upliftedness and energy.
Sue, I still have hold of your hand from when you took it for me. Papa, help Sue walk into the open space that includes freedom from guilt. {{hug}} Love to you.
Father, I pray that the peace that transcends all understanding will guard Sue's mind and heart in Christ Jesus, and that You *will* speak into this struggle she has so clearly. I pray for your healing where she needs it in her heart and in her mind, and I pray that even today, Lord, she would see You at work in her life over this. God, You know us better than we know ourselves, and You know how easy it is for us to be caught up in how we feel and to follow a lie that looks like truth but isn't - I thank You, God, that You have given Sue the courage to put this bit of darkness into the light, and I ask God that she would see every shadow chased away by Your glorious light. In Jesus' Name, amen.
Sue... I believe God WILL fix what needs fixing - both because He wants to and because He loves you- and because you've asked Him to. I also believe that He does have intent through this to make you more like Him - transformation is hard and takes time but it will be so sweet, and I think you're so brave to admit that you need it. (I do, too, in so many, many ways.) As I was praying for you this morning, I felt that perhaps Philippians 4:4-13 might be helpful to you. (and hey, if I'm off, it's God's Word, so it's still good stuff, right?) :)
love, hugs, and a chocolate-chip ccokie straight from the oven to you.
grace and peace,
Hap
Sue ~ I am praying for you. We can be such a mindless lot at times. It's for certain that men and women communicate in different ways. I sometimes wonder if the language confounding didn't happen the first time at the fall! :D
I understand what you are going through though. It happened to me at the break up of my first marriage and for years, I had no use for women at all (at least for keeps).
I know that Daddy will get you through this one and hold you close while he does.
Hey everybody, thank you. Really appreciated. My husband was a good guy. It wasn't that I chose badly when I married him (apart from the tiny minor fact he wasn't a Christian ... and I couldn't BEAR that). But apart from that, he is a great guy, wonderful, supportive. Had some communication issues to be sure, but he's sure broken that one open now we've broken up. Hah!
No, it's not that I choose badly so much as it's just this ... I don't even know what is is. This heavy stone I carry around inside me that made me unable to cope with being so vulnerable with him (I was sick for 6 years, almost the entire time we were married. It was very difficult).
Thanks Mike. It helps to know that others feel the same. I imagine this is probably just a stage but I feel like I could harden and get embittered because I don't see how I am going to toughen up to ever be in a relationship. Which sounds melodramatic, and perhaps it is, but it's the way I am definitely feeling. And even though at this point I am SO GLAD I am not in any kind of romantic relationship because I'm just not ready, at some point in the future I would like to think that maybe it's an option. But before that, there needs work. Which is where your prayers came in. Thank you
Sue ~ I eventually came out of the funk that I was in when I met my current wife. Something in me snapped and I just wasn't that way anymore. I didn't want to sound hokey before by saying, "oh it'll all work out" because if you're anything like me, that's the last thing you want to hear. In my case, I only thing I wanted to hear was that it was ok for me to be a dominating and conquering "manwhore" because I was suffering.
Unfortunately, the truth is that I really hurt some people (one in particular) that I really did love.
Ok sorry, I didn't mean this to turn into a rant about me. I am still praying for you!
Mike, not at all a rant about you :) Thank you for praying.
And getting close enough to anyone to be a whore would probably be a welcome respite :)
Sue, lets face it, men are a pain and we are better off single.
just kidding, sort of.
I forgot this blog was here till today and I love that its a place where people can be so open and say things they may not even say on their own blog.
I just started praying again so I'll pray for you since I feel like I know you from our mutual friend(s).
PD - thanks a heap for the prayers. I appreciate it. It's not so much men who are a pain - it's me :) (although men have their moments too ;)
Aww Sue honey. I just want you to find whatever it is you want and that is right for you.
It isn't hard to be vulnerable when you know you are safe to be who you are at any moment on the time continuum ...
Safety is so important...
And it seems the Lord is the safest of all to be with for all of us.
He is our strong tower.
You know I always want to pray for you. I love you sis.
Sue, cynical thinking is okay. Trust me I believe everyone here has there moments. Its just apart of this life and learning how to deal is what comes with this life as well! Your openness is encouraging and has helped me a great deal! I appreciate you!
I'll pray for peace in your heart and your body!
In Freedom, Nicole!
Men... can't live with 'em, can't kill 'em....
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