Okay, so my husband Mike and I have been going back and forth for like a year now about having another child, you know, trying to get pregnant (we move slow). We're both if-y on it even though we want one. We just want to be wise... It seems like a big decision. The pressure also comes in that I'm now 35 and my biological clock is speeding up here....
So I thought I'd ask for prayer... that God would guide us and give us peace either way, I don't know. Maybe we are over thinking it. I think knowing others are praying would help.
One concern we have is that I struggle with fatigue sometimes as it is, especially in the mornings...and I don't want to bite off more than I can chew. Where is the line between faith and foolishness? Is that a dumb question? I don't know why I/ we are fearful about it.... is it God's warning or our own issues? It's hard to tell sometimes, in this area.
Also, any moms out there of multiple kids, if you'd like to perhaps share how things changed between having one and then two children... Was it much more demanding...? How was it different? What are the age gaps between your kids? As I mentioned, Maggie is now 4... so she'd be older...
Thanks all and much love! I really thank God for this "place"
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I am honored that you trust us with such am intensely personal question. I will pray to Papa for you and your husband to have wisdom and peace in deciding, and that God will be your guide through the process.
Because you asked, here are my personal experiences having two:
We have two boys, they are 12 and 9. They are about 3.5 years apart in age. After our first son, we waited quite awhile, because he is a very strong personality and we were challenged by him. But we always knew there would be another, as long as God allowed it to happen.
When our second came, he was as easy as our first one was difficult. My pregnancy with him was so entirely different I was sure he had to be a girl (obviously he wasn't). He was so easy, even as an infant, that we began talking (only talking) about a third child within a few months after having him.
For the first 7 years or so the two of them were very best friends, they got along in every way, never fought or argued. Our older son was thrilled to have a younger brother, he helped me every chance he got, and life was wonderful. I think my job was actually EASIER with two than with one, also because my older son had begun preschool before the younger one was born.
These days, though, as they are both growing up and their hormones are changing, they fight like cats and dogs, constantly. This is the downside, but we'll get through it.
I will say they are absolutely night and day as personalities. I couldn't think of a way they could be more different unless one was a girl. I know many families where this is true.
One other thing...don't be afraid to include your daughter in conversations about it, she will feel valued for her opinion being asked, even if that isn't what ends up happening. My older son knew I was pregnant before I did (he says God told him), he knew we were having a boy (God told him that, too) even though I was certain I was carrying a girl...and he picked out his brother's name for us (we really liked the name he picked). He loved being included in things.
And in case you were wondering, we haven't ever had that third child. It has always been in our hearts, but the timing has never been right. Now I have health issues that make it a very bad idea to be pregnant. Not to mention I'm almost 38, LOL. But I still have that place in my heart and believe that Papa will fill it with someone, maybe we'll adopt or foster, maybe it will be a daughter-in-law. Who knows? But I know God gave me this hole in my heart for a reason.
Hi
I would never presume to tell another family wether they should have more children, I agree with Erin it is very personal and dependant on so many factors that I can not be aware of. Also wot is right for one will be really really wrong for another.
But I will share my personal story with you
I am a mum of 3 (2 girls 4 and 9 and 1 boy ,7)I love being a mum but find it very demanding and tiring and in some ways feel lile a lost myself a little in the everydayness of mothering.
I was diagnosed with post natal depression early this year which I have prob had scince our son was born and the last 2 years have been very dark for me but I am, woth medical support and wonderful support of my hubby am coming through the other end I think
My chidlren are what has kept me going. They cause much angst and heart ache but equally as much joy and laughter.
There is more physical work with 2 and then even more with 3. But I have learnt to become less of a perfectionist and the house work matters less :) Of course there is less time to speand with each but we make a point of doing individual stuff with our kids regularly
If you are worried about loving another child as much as you love your first God made us in a way where the love just grows and you do.
Our third child was a complete suprise and she has been the most difficult with a stubborn streak and public tanrtums which nearly made me become a hermit. But I would not have our family without her. When she sits on my lap stares at me with her beautiful blue eyes and says "I love you mummy" it melts my heart
I will pray for you that God will show you what is right for you
I have no advice other than not to rush a decision. I am praying for the both of you as you go through this.
Peace from the father be with you..
Hugs honey, there is no way I can give you a good answer but i will pray that you will have peace and get an answer from Him :) I trust you to hear what He is saying for you.
I have 3 . . . and the jump to 2 was significant, but less so than the jump to 3. And our first two were closer together, so we had 2 in diapers at once, which you've indicated you wouldn't have.
but I think a lot of time we over think this one . . . I've heard people say that they wished they'd had more kids when they still could. only rarely have I heard that they wished that they had not had as many. it seems to me that when people reach the right stopping point--whether it be 1, 2, 3, or 5 or 8, somehow they just know when they're done. if you're still wondering . . . well, also ask yourself, how much of a regret would not having one more be?
Hey, Manuela,
I feel like I should probably chime in here, being that I have 4 kids, ages 7, 5, 4, and 2.
I feel somewhat at a loss on what to say, except that I feel blessed to have the exact number of kids that we had talked about from the beginning. Life is hectic and busy, but I suppose in a very good way. Don't let sheer numbers scare you, but yes, listen carefully for that inner voice that's guiding you.
I agree that only you can know what's right for your family.
I think it's true that with one child being a little older, she will be able to be a big help.
The jump from 1 to 2 kids, for me, wasn't that big of a deal, and mine were close together. The jump from 2 to 3, kinda threw me for a loop. I wasn't expecting it to be that different, but somehow it was. But 3 to 4, really wasn't too bad. I had been told that after 3, it kinda all runs together and is no big deal. I have found that to be true for me. Not that anything in life is easy for me now, but my 7 and 5 year olds are becoming really helpful, and I'm beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel with the whole diaper thing. It's been 7 years of almost constant diapers around here.
I know Papa will lead you to the right decision, and He'll provide everything necessary to meet the needs along the way.
Hey, Manuela,
I feel like I should probably chime in here, being that I have 4 kids, ages 7, 5, 4, and 2.
I feel somewhat at a loss on what to say, except that I feel blessed to have the exact number of kids that we had talked about from the beginning. Life is hectic and busy, but I suppose in a very good way. Don't let sheer numbers scare you, but yes, listen carefully for that inner voice that's guiding you.
I agree that only you can know what's right for your family.
I think it's true that with one child being a little older, she will be able to be a big help.
The jump from 1 to 2 kids, for me, wasn't that big of a deal, and mine were close together. The jump from 2 to 3, kinda threw me for a loop. I wasn't expecting it to be that different, but somehow it was. But 3 to 4, really wasn't too bad. I had been told that after 3, it kinda all runs together and is no big deal. I have found that to be true for me. Not that anything in life is easy for me now, but my 7 and 5 year olds are becoming really helpful, and I'm beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel with the whole diaper thing. It's been 7 years of almost constant diapers around here.
I know Papa will lead you to the right decision, and He'll provide everything necessary to meet the needs along the way.
Will definitely be praying, Manuela
Me Too, I will pray! Like many have said, just listen to your heart and what Father is telling you and Mike! You will know, I am sure of it!
Love you!
Thanks so much for your prayers and sharing your experiences...
I know God works amazingly through prayer... so really, thanks. It has been this huge hovering thing and I'm truly relieved to know y'all are praying.
Erin, neat to hear about your family... Thanks for sharing! Will
pray about that "3rd child" in your hearts... We've also considered fostering/ adopting... I think that is so wonderful to do...when one is able or called.
It's funny we've asked Maggie many times if she wants a little brother or sis and she always says no!!?? I guess she's content as the center of attention :) I think, though, it'd be good for her to have a sibling, for sure!
Lou, I hear what you are saying...kids really are a handful but such a blessing too, hence the difficulty in the decision. I'm glad you can see the end of the tunnel. Depression is such a beast, especially when you have kids! Thanks for your transparancey. I also battle both depression and perfectionism...God has brought me a long, long way (not that I've arrived by any means!!! (I still struggle at times, but it is good to see the progress) so, thanks for your encouragement, and good to get to know you more : ) Nice to know how we can pray for you too.
Nice to hear your experince Free spirit!
Thanks so much dear friends for your prayers. Love y'all
Free Spirit - I had to laugh at your comment. I'm the oldest of 4 kids and my mom used to say the exact same things. She said 3 was harder than 2 because now the kids outnumber the adults, LOL....but after that it was easy going from 3 to 4.
Also, there were some years that mom was going crazy with all of us and I used to tell her she was insane, but I tell you what, at 37 I am so thankful to be part of a large family and my sibs and I all get along great. So however crazy if might be to have 4, it's worth it from this end.
Hi Manuela, I've never had to make that decision but often wondered what I would have chosen if I had the opportunity for child number two.
I look at my son and wonder how his life would be different if he had a sibling. I think, honestly, that it would have been better for him but harder for me. I think because I only have one child (and no husband)that my son got more attention than one child should have. He didn't learn about sharing, about what is what like to stick up for a younger sibling or to have a younger sibling look up to him with pride and admiration.
Whatever you and your husband decide the important thing is to feel at peace with it and not second guess yourselves. You are blessed with a darling sweet child and either way she's blessed with two loving parents.
This will sound like strange advice, and ignore it completely if you want to. But here is what I would do. Together, decide to have the second child. Truly decide. Forget the economics, the health issues,the what ifs.(my wife has been on dialysis for 23 years, we have two and work it out somehow. Because we both love our kids terribly.15,6) Then if there is no peace still about it. The answer may be wait or no. But if you really decide to do it, and then peace decends upon you. Then it is God's will.
Can we get rid of the antispam thing.
I've changed the antispam settings. I hate having to do that too, and seeing it's only registered users that can comment here I figure it's probably safe. Okay, Tyler, hmmm? Big boss woman?
:)
Sue,
I am going to open up a new thread of discussion on your last comment.
Everyone here has posted some great advice and comments. I think you have to follow your heart and God's guidance in this. I for one would love another child and my husband has said No More.. so until God changes his heart.. I guess I have to leave it to God..if it is His will.. it will happen.
If I can add.. I was an only child for 12 years. it was very lonely.. but it also built my character and who I am today is probably due to being an only child for so long. At the age of 12 I had my baby brother who is now 19 years old. It all depends on where you are in life i guess.. everyone is different and it is very personal :)
Thanks for the additional feedback!!! Will consider and comment more soon. This weekend has been kind of a haze! My husband and I have been on way different planes and it's been tough... Now I gotta run. Keep us in your prayers (marriage wise)...it can affect everything it seems...
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