I think I am in a rut in my life. My husband works to support us both and I only work a couple hours a week with all the time in the world to pursue and do things that I want to do. But, right now, I feel like I don’t have any motivation or inspiration to do anything. I feel like I am wasting this free time I have. I have worked since I was in high school and through college, and now I am at a point in my life that I don’t have to work, but do things that I want to do. My husband asked me the other day what I want to do with my free time and I just stood there with blank thoughts thinking that I am not sure if I have any motivation to do anything… It is the funniest thing. I used to think if I was ever in a place that I didn’t have to work, I would fill up my time doing certain things, but now that I am actually living it out, I don’t have the motivation to do the things I once thought I wanted to do. Sheesh, I am probably coming across spoiled and stupid, and I could understand that for those who work their asses off without any free time to pursue the things they want. I feel very stupid for not having the motivation and inspiration to do things I would like to do. I even have to think really hard at what those things are. I think I would cook more if I had an actual kitchen. I am house-sitting right now and have cooked a meal every single night I have been here! It’s been really nice, but I know that once I go back home I won’t have the motivation to do anything of the sort in my little kitchen nook I have. I love to write, and I have written a lot once I started my blog, I would love to sharpen my writing skills more and write a book or something someday. That would be really cool actually if I had the motivation to support that kind of mindful work. I like to do art projects, but again, in my small studio apartment, there isn’t much room to do much of anything that has to do with art, takes up a whole lot of room that I don’t have. Those are just a few ideas that I have roaming in my head.
I have a negative outlook on things these days and I don’t like being like this. I pray that Father would give me the motivation and inspiration to do something productive, fun and rewarding while I have all the time in the world to do so!
If anyone has any ideas, please, share, for I could use any kind of encouragement and ideas to possibly pursue. Also, if you could, please pray that Father will let me know what He wants me to do with my time as well!
Thanks!
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21 comments:
Hey Nicole
There is a bit of shoulding on yourself going on here :) Heh :)
I totally get what you mean about suddenly having free time and then not doing what you always thought you would. I guess it's why I don't pay much attention to those thoughts. You know the ones:
"If I wasn't working, I swear I'd be off taking those classes I always wanted to take."
Or, "If I was single (or in a relationship) I'd be yada yada yada." It's always so easy to have these dreams of what we'd do when we get there, but then once we get there it's just as messy as when we left 'cause we've still got ourselves and all that clanking baggage ;)
Maybe you don't actually really want to be doing anything at all, right now? Just a thought I thought I'd throw out there. I really struggle sometimes to realise that I don't actually want to do anything, it's me shoulding on myself.
Do you feel guilty for not working while your husband does? I struggled SO MUCH with that (even though I didn't have much trouble spending the money, haha, I always felt like it was his).
Sue, you might be getting somewhere by saying that I may not be wanting to do anything, and I believe that is how I feel... My mom always tells me that I will regret it later down the road if I don't take a class, or 'do' something now that I have time. I like having the free time, but sometimes I feel guilty not filling in the time that I have. Sometimes I feel guilty not working while Jonathan is, but more than that I feel like I should be doing something. Yeah, I should on myself way too much. Thanks for reminding me of that! I think I am more content when I don't have that extra pressure I feel when I am not busy doing something... I need to go back and learn again how to just be instead of being a doer.
I was sort of in the same position at one time. I think learning is a good way to fill that time. Maybe take a class? I started exercising more, that has been very helpful too.
My only thought reading this was "try to stop feeling guilty for not having inspiration and allow yourself to do whatever you want...which includes not doing anything. Maybe that will free you up emotionally for something to come to the surface that you want to do. Maybe God wants to teach you that this is a time in your life where you have freedom...and freedom doesn't include guilt (I am preaching to myself here....). I hope you can enjoy your time and just let things happen. Keep us posted.
It's OK to go through a season of not doing anything. Watch TV, surf the net, read a book. Go for a walk...go to a movie, go to a museum. Whatever suits you. Hell, sit and stare at the walls. Stay in bed all day. Whatever.
We convince ourselves that we have to always be doing something productive. This is ridiculous...life is full of DOING something, if you have a chance to not do anything, then embrace it! Things that you have to do will come along soon enough.
Hiya Sis!
I wanted to make sure that I posted this before I went through and read everybody else's so here goes.
I felt very strongly in my heart to tell you that people spend way too much time trying to fill in their calendars, their days and their agendas with what amounts to nothing more than busyness. When a person gets to that point where they can't squeak another ounce of activity in; really, what is there to show for all of it?
You have been given an amazing gift so don't feel guilty for it. This is an awesome time for you to be able to get closer to Daddy everyday of your life without struggling to find room for him. Don't pressure yourself, take it as it comes and if you don't feel like doing anything, then don't.
There's no pressure, there's no guilt and there's no shame...there is only love...
Hey, Nicole - have you ever read "A Circle of Quiet" by Madeleine L'Engle? I actually was thinking about it because of Michelle's comment about just *being* in the kitchen with us, and it reminded me of the first chapter in that book when Madeleine writes about her special spot that she flees to when she needs to become her ontological self again (the "me" that she was meant to be). And in general it's just a really great book. :) She writes a lot about time and how she's spent it in her life, and about just learning to simply be... It is one of my favorite books. :)
...mostly because (upon further reflection) I have always felt that need for "do nothing" time - and hearing Madeleine talk about it so practically helped me understand that it was part of how God wired me, and that resting was good balance for the busyness that some seasons come with. Anyway... It's late. I should stop talking now, before I get any more redundant. :)
Hi, I see you love writing.. there is a website called Helium. where you write and earn money.. you can go to the market place and write for publishers or you could just write and you still earn.. I have made $100 so far. its a little something and if a publisher notices your writing. wouln't that be great.. so if you want to try it out..
www.helium.com (i think) anyway give it a go if you want :) But honestly there is a time to work and a time to not work.. there is a time for everything and for nothing.. so relax in where you are!
yup. along with most everyone else, i'll just say enjoy it. because damn it, i'm jealous. i am. my days are so full i only sleep about 5 hours a night.
but beyond that, it's up to you. it really is. you know you better than anyone. and i know that you can relax. if Father really has something for you, he'll let you know. trust me. until then just enjoy the season, enjoy your husband, enjoy your blogging, and enjoy the silence.
and let's not forget that you're in your 20's. when i was in my 20's i had a very confusing time trying to figure out what i was supposed to be and do. turns out i wasted the time by not enjoying the time i had while i had it. my 20's were for nejoying myself and my life before the REAL work set in. your life may not be the same but that's how it was for me and i didn't recognize that until it was too late.
Hi Delirious, Thank you for the ideas, I have thought about taking a college course non-credit, and I still may do something like that, I agree learning is so good to fill in the time.
ProdigalDaughter2, Thanks for the encouragement. It is so easy to get back to the guilty mode of life. Freedom does not include guilt in Jesus Name! I know that, I just need to start living it! Thank you!
Erin, it is always a pleasure to hear from you... Thanks you for the great advice... Today at least I am doing nothing. Maybe that should be my goal sometimes.... Live the opposite. LOL
Hey Mike, Wow, you are right, this is a great time to learn and know more about my Papa. I think what you said is right, this time I have is a gift and I don't have to feel guilty for it! Thank you for reminding me of that!!!
Hi Happy, that book sounds really really good. I am going to go check it out! Thanks for recommending it to me. I have written blogs about the same topic, learning how to rest, and be instead of do something all the time. I guess it seems like everyone around me, well, my mother and my husband think I should be 'doing' something so I guess that is part of where the pressure is coming from.
Getting There, wow, I will go check out that website. It does sound really cool! I do get a little scared about publishing anything, but maybe this would give me a chance to expose myself more and maybe even do others some good! Thanks for telling me about it.
Jon, man, I wish I could give you some of my time... I wish the world worked that way... I will use my time to enjoy everything! I am learning how to do so. for it is a process!
I know I'm just repeating the wisdom already spoken by the others in this kitchen...but it IS wisdom.
Enjoy this time of not doing, and let yourself BE.
God took me to a place like that about 3 years ago..and it took awhile for me to realize that I had never learned to stop doing and just BE. He showed me that this is very dear to Him, that it is really hard to build a relationship with Him without knowing this BEING thing. And when life gets hectic and full again, you can take what you gained from the down time into the busyness, and it helps to get you through.
That's been my experience,anyways.
I guess my hope for you is this..that you discover the gift that is present only when you give in to the silence.
I heard Him in a way that I could not ever hear Him when life got busy again.
Hope that's makes some sense....
Chev, thanks for the encouraging words. It is so easy to get wrapped up in the busyness of life and forget that Father speaks to us when we take time to stop and listen to him. At least that is what it has been like for me. Learning how to be, takes time, but it is something that I am learning how to live in...
Thank you Chev for having hope for me! Bless you!
Just an aside thought Nicole ~ I agree with Jon that your 20's are made for stretching out and experiencing life. That was one of the reasons that I found the love of Christ so compelling when I did. Now I'm not telling you to go out and do the things that I did, I think that I am trying to say that now is the time to live at your own speed.
I think we need to keep in mind too that it is our ridiculous forked-up society that runs us at warp speed. God's way of running is much slower, the speed of life that works is much slower.
It's easy to just automatically think that the way things are is the way that God is but it ain't true.
Jon, I pray for YOU for extra time for yourself 'cos 5 hours a night ain't enough
Hey Nicole,
Just let time flow by. When you get bored enough, something of interest will find it's way into your psyche, and that is what you whould do.
Great comments here... I have nothing to add really : ) but that I trust dad will guide you as he guides and unravels us all (and sometimes it's messy or may seem "strange" but it's all worth it...) love
Big hugs Nicole, I went through the exact same thing and it took me quite a while for Abba to pound into my head that sometimes He gives us seasons of laziness. And there is a reason for that -- to drill into our thick skulls that he doesn't expect us to be "doing" all of the time. Sometimes He has to literally inundate us with nothingness, and taking away our desire to do things, just to get us to believe that being his child is enough.
Ahh, thanks guys for the encouragement! Can't be more blessed by how you treat me with kindness and grace! I LOVE IT! I am just hanging out today with no worries on my plate, but learning how to listen to Father! It is a restful time in my life and that I concur. I think it is a great time in my life as well, even if I am not doing much of anything and that's okay!!!
Love you all!
Love, Nicole!
Yay Nicole :) I actually think learning to rest is one of the hardest things ever in our culture ... but yields some of the most amazing rewards.
Still, it's a hard slog towards it. I get so strung out sometimes when I get in those headspaces about "what am I gonna do? what should I be doing?" Luckily they are fewer and further between now I live an almost monastic life at times haha but yeah, I can really empathise with how difficult it all is :)
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