I should have written this about a week ago but that is the flu for you, it just leaves me braindead.
So I told you about the threat against Mark's job. Well, last sunday night I was just walking around minding my own business and I suddenly heard something from God (finally!).
It was a lie, they weren't going to fire him, they CAN'T.
So I told Mark about this and we started really praying and he felt a lot of peace. He went back to work confident and it totally drove his boss nuts! So anyway, thursday rolls around and Mark's corporate boss fesses up, out of nowhere, that they actually did not have the ability to fire him, they just wanted to -- well, manipulate him (he didn't say it like that of course, but that was the jist).
So the really awesome thing is that Mark has found two other out of church believers there who are praying blessings over the facility with him in the mornings and they are really seeing results. They are all department heads so this is really amazing.
And his boss is acting very strangely! Can't stand to be around my husband at all.
So anyway, thanks so much for holding us up in prayer, I really needed it. I am so grateful for all of you.
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Thursday, November 27, 2008
more on me
I'm sorry to be so needy but.. here I am again.
My husband's Christmas party is coming up in two weeks and of course all of the co-workers will be there. He says that *their* relationship has calmed down and he tells her he's committed to his marriage and now they're friends but still good friends - more than I would prefer. Anyway, she'll be there and not only does he want us to meet, he thought it would be good for us three to meet prior to the official party, have some drinks, and break the ice. One moment I think I can manage that and be nice and bla bla and other moments I think "what?!... I can't handle that!"
I'm trying to be gracious here and understanding and all that stuff. Could anyone shed some light on this that maybe I'm not seeing -- either way? I would assume there would be a few "girl... tell him no!" with fingers snapping and stuff ;-).... but other than that. Could I actually be nice and gracious and confident and steady in the face of this?
Just to clear up any misconceptions that might arise from lack of words - no he isn't looking for a 3-way. He thinks that it would be more healthy for her to know me as well to break some of her connection with just him. He mentioned weeks ago that he'd know when she had let go of her ideal of him running away with her when she was ready to meet his wife. So CAN we be friendly? Am I just being insecure and petty when I think I'd rather go the rest of my life without meeting her?
I'm rambling... sorry. But thanks in advance.
My husband's Christmas party is coming up in two weeks and of course all of the co-workers will be there. He says that *their* relationship has calmed down and he tells her he's committed to his marriage and now they're friends but still good friends - more than I would prefer. Anyway, she'll be there and not only does he want us to meet, he thought it would be good for us three to meet prior to the official party, have some drinks, and break the ice. One moment I think I can manage that and be nice and bla bla and other moments I think "what?!... I can't handle that!"
I'm trying to be gracious here and understanding and all that stuff. Could anyone shed some light on this that maybe I'm not seeing -- either way? I would assume there would be a few "girl... tell him no!" with fingers snapping and stuff ;-).... but other than that. Could I actually be nice and gracious and confident and steady in the face of this?
Just to clear up any misconceptions that might arise from lack of words - no he isn't looking for a 3-way. He thinks that it would be more healthy for her to know me as well to break some of her connection with just him. He mentioned weeks ago that he'd know when she had let go of her ideal of him running away with her when she was ready to meet his wife. So CAN we be friendly? Am I just being insecure and petty when I think I'd rather go the rest of my life without meeting her?
I'm rambling... sorry. But thanks in advance.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Happy Thanksgiving!!!
It's Thanksgiving here in the US of A... and I thought we could perhaps share a few things we are thankful for...
Wouldn't it be grand if we could all celebrate together : ) I imagine this grand kithen would produce such a marvelous feast...( but the fellowship would be the greatest part : )
Shall we have a cyber thanksgiving here?
Image from
http://www.guy-sports.com/humor/pictures/picture_thanksgiving.htm
Monday, November 24, 2008
Update
Hi all,
If you've seen my blog, you've seen a song posted that my husband wrote. He's written several lately and put music to them. This is, I think, the fifth in line from him. It's important because, although it's not a promise, it's an apology for 18 years of lots of shit.
A brief synopsis of all of my brokenness lately is that on my birthday in September he forgot again. Maybe not forgot, but refused to acknowledge. That's typical of us. Something is important to me, his neurosis kicks in (fear of being controlled) and he withdraws. I wind up feeling abandoned. So.. after one more year among many of not being acknowledged in a special way I decided in my heart, "I'm done with this". That same week my step-grandfather passed away suddenly. That was tough and my husband was supportive, friendly but also realized I was making plans to move on with my health and my life. That same week a co-worker of his -- 21 yr old girl with a new baby and a failing marriage - called my husband to profess herself falling in love with him. Thus began the whirlwind.
My husband has been very honest throughout this whole ordeal - painfully so. At least I take comfort in the fact that I haven't been deceived. However, there have been many times I have been completely taken advantage of. Many would have thrown in the towel based on his feelings for this young girl 10 times by now. Three weeks ago I told him in all calmness, "I think we're done here" and I told him he should move out. He did not want this ordeal to cost him his family and was faced with the task of dealing with several internal issues of his own. Mind you, I am not perfect. However, my junk has been being dealt with for a while now. The task at hand became determining if we could be healthy and stay together or would we be more healthy as individuals to become individuals completely. We have three children; ages 8, 6 and 5. It would be huge adjustment to "try" separation for a while - obviously.
Throughout this process we have gone back to the beginning - why did we get married to begin with? Short answer: To be like *them* (people in our church circle). We thought we'd be the next *them*. Next we adopted ideas of *that couple* and tried to force each other into the ideal that went along with that -- never really recognizing who we were as individuals and the differences we held. If we did recognize it, we found fault in it. For example - when we first met, he loved how I didn't give a crap what anyone thought. Slowly, though, he convinced me that I should consider others way above myself and I became a neurotic little obsession in need of others approval which, yes, caused him to see me as weak. Our projections onto one another, thanks to religious roles, has completely sucked the life out of each of us.
Regardless of why we got married and what has kept us together (up until now, all religious reasons) we are still here and now have three children. So, instead of walking away completely we are trying to recognize each other for who we really are, deal with our own shadows and see if we can be healthy together or not. It's a one day at a time situation.
The work-girlfriend has died down some although the situation has come and gone quite a few times lately. I think the last piece of the puzzle was put to bed last week when 'chatting' became no longer an option outside of work. I thought that was settled long before last week but.. regardless... I think it's clear now.
Sixteen years of marriage and three kids plus lots of deconstruction has given room for growth and also provided many scary options. We still are walking together for now - we'll see how it all turns.
Many weeks ago I took off my wedding rings. The rings themselves were purchased out of urging from a friend in common (one of whom we idealized at the time) and everything those pieces of gold represent are no longer what I want a part of my life. I would like to happily wear a ring again but it won't be those - they represent what I don't want -- more of the same old forced compliance. He agrees.
We've tried our damnedest throughout all of this. If we can't move on together as friends, we'll have to attempt separating as friends. My mental weakness that occurs when we go to hell is not healthy nor is his neurosis flare-ups. We'll be healthy together or we'll be healthy apart. Either way -we love each other enough to want the best for each other; regardless of what that looks like in the near future.
All of that to say - if you've listed to the song on my blog - this update gives more back-story behind it. If you comment in detail about it, please do so here and not on my blog. He visits my blog but doesn't know about this site. I'm way more candid here.
If you've seen my blog, you've seen a song posted that my husband wrote. He's written several lately and put music to them. This is, I think, the fifth in line from him. It's important because, although it's not a promise, it's an apology for 18 years of lots of shit.
A brief synopsis of all of my brokenness lately is that on my birthday in September he forgot again. Maybe not forgot, but refused to acknowledge. That's typical of us. Something is important to me, his neurosis kicks in (fear of being controlled) and he withdraws. I wind up feeling abandoned. So.. after one more year among many of not being acknowledged in a special way I decided in my heart, "I'm done with this". That same week my step-grandfather passed away suddenly. That was tough and my husband was supportive, friendly but also realized I was making plans to move on with my health and my life. That same week a co-worker of his -- 21 yr old girl with a new baby and a failing marriage - called my husband to profess herself falling in love with him. Thus began the whirlwind.
My husband has been very honest throughout this whole ordeal - painfully so. At least I take comfort in the fact that I haven't been deceived. However, there have been many times I have been completely taken advantage of. Many would have thrown in the towel based on his feelings for this young girl 10 times by now. Three weeks ago I told him in all calmness, "I think we're done here" and I told him he should move out. He did not want this ordeal to cost him his family and was faced with the task of dealing with several internal issues of his own. Mind you, I am not perfect. However, my junk has been being dealt with for a while now. The task at hand became determining if we could be healthy and stay together or would we be more healthy as individuals to become individuals completely. We have three children; ages 8, 6 and 5. It would be huge adjustment to "try" separation for a while - obviously.
Throughout this process we have gone back to the beginning - why did we get married to begin with? Short answer: To be like *them* (people in our church circle). We thought we'd be the next *them*. Next we adopted ideas of *that couple* and tried to force each other into the ideal that went along with that -- never really recognizing who we were as individuals and the differences we held. If we did recognize it, we found fault in it. For example - when we first met, he loved how I didn't give a crap what anyone thought. Slowly, though, he convinced me that I should consider others way above myself and I became a neurotic little obsession in need of others approval which, yes, caused him to see me as weak. Our projections onto one another, thanks to religious roles, has completely sucked the life out of each of us.
Regardless of why we got married and what has kept us together (up until now, all religious reasons) we are still here and now have three children. So, instead of walking away completely we are trying to recognize each other for who we really are, deal with our own shadows and see if we can be healthy together or not. It's a one day at a time situation.
The work-girlfriend has died down some although the situation has come and gone quite a few times lately. I think the last piece of the puzzle was put to bed last week when 'chatting' became no longer an option outside of work. I thought that was settled long before last week but.. regardless... I think it's clear now.
Sixteen years of marriage and three kids plus lots of deconstruction has given room for growth and also provided many scary options. We still are walking together for now - we'll see how it all turns.
Many weeks ago I took off my wedding rings. The rings themselves were purchased out of urging from a friend in common (one of whom we idealized at the time) and everything those pieces of gold represent are no longer what I want a part of my life. I would like to happily wear a ring again but it won't be those - they represent what I don't want -- more of the same old forced compliance. He agrees.
We've tried our damnedest throughout all of this. If we can't move on together as friends, we'll have to attempt separating as friends. My mental weakness that occurs when we go to hell is not healthy nor is his neurosis flare-ups. We'll be healthy together or we'll be healthy apart. Either way -we love each other enough to want the best for each other; regardless of what that looks like in the near future.
All of that to say - if you've listed to the song on my blog - this update gives more back-story behind it. If you comment in detail about it, please do so here and not on my blog. He visits my blog but doesn't know about this site. I'm way more candid here.
Health (or the lack of it)
Hello, fellow Kitchen-dwellers.
Could you please pray for my wife, Samantha, who was admitted to hospital today? She's due to have surgery (gynaecological laparoscopy) tomorrow morning. Please pray that the surgery will go well and that they'll find (and fix) what's been causing her so much pain over the past 5 months.
Also, for myself, the chest pain (costochondritis) came back yesterday :o( I do wonder if it's partly stress-related. It's not been too bad today, though the chest area is quite tender to the touch.
Any and all prayers - long, short, ongoing or one-off - are appreciated.
Could you please pray for my wife, Samantha, who was admitted to hospital today? She's due to have surgery (gynaecological laparoscopy) tomorrow morning. Please pray that the surgery will go well and that they'll find (and fix) what's been causing her so much pain over the past 5 months.
Also, for myself, the chest pain (costochondritis) came back yesterday :o( I do wonder if it's partly stress-related. It's not been too bad today, though the chest area is quite tender to the touch.
Any and all prayers - long, short, ongoing or one-off - are appreciated.
Bio
Hey, all. I've been hanging around a bit, lurking, watching. Thought I'd add my name to the roll, so you could at least know who to blame if I step out of line. :) I've brought along the espresso machine and am serving up shots to anyone who wants them. I hand out coffee--lots and lots of coffee. My life has more or less been fueled by an obscene amount of coffee for the last fifteen years. Anyone want a latte?
Anyway, my name's Sara, and I'm a SAHM with 2 preschoolers and a grade schooler. My husband pastors a small Presbyterian church in the Midwest. I wrangle kids, and write, and try to get a bit of exercise . . . and think and pray and write and dream about how to work from right in the middle of the System to make the church-thing more what Jesus would want it to be.
I'm probably not likely to post very often, but know that I'm reading and thinking and praying and love being a part of the conversation.
Anyway, my name's Sara, and I'm a SAHM with 2 preschoolers and a grade schooler. My husband pastors a small Presbyterian church in the Midwest. I wrangle kids, and write, and try to get a bit of exercise . . . and think and pray and write and dream about how to work from right in the middle of the System to make the church-thing more what Jesus would want it to be.
I'm probably not likely to post very often, but know that I'm reading and thinking and praying and love being a part of the conversation.
Sunday, November 23, 2008
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