Update...

Well, I still don't know what is going to happen. I am trying to work up the courage to apply for a debt consolidation/reduction loan. Crunching the numbers. I don't see how they will give me one. But...

This has shaken my confidence. A lot of issues trying to fight for dominance....

For those of you that have sent me help, you know who you are... THANK YOU!!!

Kenya

Hey guys this is not a request for personal prayer but for an entire country. Alomost 6 years ago my hubby went to Kenya on a missions trip. Here he met a pastor called Aamos. Aamos lives in Nirobi slums with his family and does his best to in rich those around him whilst struggling to survive himself. He just popped up on my facebook chat thing and I did the socially acceptable thing and asked him how he was. He proceeded to tell me that Kenya is in the grip on a huge famon and 1000s die everyday and that he and his family are on the brink themselves. What do you say in response to that other than I ll pray. I feel usless and like a rich fat cat! Please can you pray for this country and this man

thx

songs you're still sick of

maybe you haven't heard it in 5, 10 or even 20 years, but after the first few notes you know without a doubt... it hasn't been long enough. i thought this would be fun, and after the past few months, i think we all could use a little fun. :-)

i'll get us started.

Help?

Hmm... this hard. The tape running in my head says, "You made this mess, you clean it up. And don't expect any help."

I'm not doing so well. A mistake from my past that wasn't handled well - financial - is biting me in the ass right now. And it seems to have pretty big teeth. If things go the way I was  told on the phone this morning, the government could be taking 30% of my income starting next month. Which would make it so that I couldn't pay my bills.... Could you all think of me when you're praying? Thanks.

My husband just got fired

I really didn't see this coming. But he got fired this afternoon. Please pray for us i don't know what we are going to do.

Update: Sunday morning

Okay so yesterday we get a phone call from somebody who works there. Mark's firing WAS THE BEST THING THAT COULD HAVE HAPPENED to that place. Finally, years of putting up with good people being terminated for no reason has gotten to be too much and people are angry and there are the beginnings of a riot going on. His boss had a meeting with the mechanics and their words were, "What did we do that was so awful that you fired our boss?" Well, I don't know about you, but there aren't many people I know who would say that. I haven't ever had a boss I was willing to say that about/ in defense of. The other supervisors now know that they aren't safe because they looked up to him in a big way for doing the right thing and never giving in to the bullying. The people on the floor are furious because Mark always supports them in their jobs (he even helps the linemen with placing product back on the lines as he is evaluating the lines).

On friday morning Abba said to me, "This is not over." He said it over and over again and I did not understand.

It doesn't mean Mark's boss gets fired and Mark gets rehired but Abba is right, this is NOT over. The person who called was devastated about it on thursday but now feels that it is the single best thing God could have allowed to happen.

Yesterday God reminded Mark that He always gets the bills paid and that things were going according to plan and suddenly I am super excited to see how this turns out.

Love to you all!

this is zaavan.

as promised, here is zaavan, my son. he's 6 years old and has severe CP and MR. in laymen's terms, that's Cerebral Palsy and Mental Retardation. his other diagnoses are quadraparesis and microcephaly.

effectively, he cannot eat, drink, change, move, toilet... anything on his own. he requires hours of care. but that's not any different from any other kid. the attention and cares needed are just different. but, as you can imagine, it is well worth it. he is one of the best people i've ever met. i am constantly amazed that a boy with so many challenges can be the most joyful person i've ever known. he is one blissed out kid. in fact several are the nights when he wakes up laughing. and laughing and laughing and laughing. at nothing. at least, nothing that we can tell. but i have often suspected that he is able to sense things we can't.

being his dad has been nothing short of life changing. i am no longer the person i was when he was born. i have learned so much about how to communicate with people through learning how to communicate with someone who is not able to communicate through conventional means. (i.e. words) i blogged about that once before already.

every parent is different, but i know that coming to terms with zaavan was actually a quick process for me. we first got the news hours after his birth in the middle of the night. a massive seizure sent him into respitory arrest and he had to be intebated and moved into the NICU. it was thus the roller coaster began and i knew that something had to die. and what had to die were my expectations that i had for zaavan and who i hoped and dreamed he might be. he was as he is and there was no going back. nothing could change it. so i could either continue to grieve for something that never existed or i could simply accept zaavan as he is, no strings attached. i chose the latter and am glad i did. i have, of course, been overwhelmed several times at the challenges he faces, and the times when i have had to prepare myself for the possibility of his death when it has gotten bad. each time, however, he has pulled through. over and over again, grace seems to be the theme in this kid's life and i am glad to be privy.

and i am especially grateful for the near-deafening roar that went up into the spiritual ether on his behalf when i shared our challenges on december 1st. it certainly is a neverending stream of challenges. but it is also a never ending stream of overcoming those challenges, or learning how to be grateful for what we have been given. which is pretty cool.

this is zaavan. he is my perfect son, and i love him.

What's Been Happening

Hello Everyone.

I know that my appearances lately have been sparse; not only here but on line and in my own blog as well. Most of you who follow my blog have seen a "turn" in the direction of my writing and me questioning pretty much everything that I have come to know as true in the past year or so. So now, I can come out and tell you what has been happening.

This past week has seen two very "huge" changes in my life. The first is that I started a new job with a new department this week. Big change for me but the timing is perfect when taken into consideration of where I want to go with my career. Secondly, on last Tuesday, I was divorced from my wife. This has been a decision that I have been agonizing for the better part of a year and I finally came to the conclusion that enough was enough. The hardest part, as you might imagine, was my beautiful son and the thought of not being around him all of the time but in the end, it just wasn't enough. Our split was amicable and so were the arrangements that we agreed on with respect to custody and visitation and I am so thankful for that.

You all have been a great source of support for me and I am thankful that I have this family to share with when things are good and to lean on when things are bad. There are a few loose ends yet to tie up so if you feel so led, ask a prayer that what I have to do next (regarding our home) goes smoothly.